IPad

I've done the last few Blog entries from my IPad, because I can write from my easy chair and don't have to be at the computer. Doing blog entries from the IPad is quite difficult, although the more I work with and learn about IPad, the easier it gets.

Some things are just intrinsically harder, though. For instance, unless you buy a keyboard and attach it, (which would make it harder to use the IPad in the easy chair!), typing, is done with one finger on a flat digital keyboard that appears on screen. I type with one finger, anyway, so it isn't that much harder, but it is very different.

The thing that is LOTS harder is accomplishing the highlighting required to insert links. I figured out all the mechanics of doing a link on the IPad, but I can't manage to touch that little screen precisely enough to accurately highlight the one or two tiny little words that I want to link to something. Yesterday's entry was done on IPad, but it took all day. My last link was to UVA, and highlighting it was SO frustrating that I was thinking, "They all know what UVA is!" I'm sure that's probably true. but doing the links is kinda the fun part of writing a blog. Most of my links are legit, but, if you do generally follow my links, you've probably realized that there are times when I link to something unusual.

Anyway, my question is, does anyone know of a way to make it easier to highlight words on an IPad screen?

Probably you are wondering why I don't just write all my blog entries on the computer instead of the Ipad. (I wish Apple gave me $$ for each time I linked to IPad!) See, it's a different way of living when one is totally dependant on others to move from chair to chair. I sit in my wheelchair to use the computer, but eventually I get tired of sitting straight up. When I do, I get the "hired help" to move me to the easy chair, BUT then I am stuck there for a couple hours - I can't just go back to the desk in 15 minutes. So, actually the IPad is a real lifesaver, (If only I could highlight stuff on it.)

I need to start writing. I could do that, on the IPad. Real writing. You know - books. Like people pay money for. I've mentioned this over and over, in multiple blog entries.

Things people can do when they should be writing a book:

1. Write blog entries about how they should be writing a book.
2. Read books about how to write books.
3. Research writer's markets in periodicals.
4. Talk to their shrink about why they really ought to write a book.
5. Go to Staples and buy a dictionary.
6. Order a book titled "How to Overcome Writer's Block".
7. Sign up for an adult education class in Clarendon titled "Daytime Writers".
8. Study Spanish.
9. Go to the movies.
10. Feel desolate because of having no income or profession.

Tina Fey

I'm reading "BossyPants" by Tina Fey" and I love it! She is the woman who was on SNL who then moved on 30Rock.. It turns out that she went to UVA and majored in Drama about 10 years after I got out - which is Incredibly cool! She took the same classes I did, and from.some of the same people! She talks in the book about the one big party the Drama department has every year, and I went to that party 3 times.

UVA isn't very big on comedy, though, or on improv. She never says that she learned anything she could use. With stuff like comedy, I guess you have to be lucky and put yourself in the right place at the right time.

I had one role at Virginia that Tina Fey could have played really well. It was when I played the whole Polish army iin Ubu Roi.

The book is good and entertaining

Stupid, but....

I am SO SORRY! I hope someone out there still checks this blog every once n a while. What happened is something totally dumb and avoidable that has made my life a living hell. This lazy, not too bright, negligent, self absorbed, useless care manager named Rahella was pissed at me one evening (now that's hard to imagine, isn't it??) because I insisted that she take the cover off my fancy wheelchair pillow and wash it. I also had the nerve to demand that she dry it and put it back on that same evening... Imagine! She only had a 4 hours in which to do this.

Well, from that point on, my wheelchair cushion just did no good at all. I was in constant pain because my butt hurt bad all the time. No amount of shifting position helped. I was in constant misery, and therefore didn't care about anything at all. The Metro Access ride home from church today was particularly bumpy and, by the time I'd arrived home I'd decided just to buy a new cushion.

But, thing is, this one is top of the line and cost $160.00.

So I got my current care manager, Experience, (yes, that is her real name) to check the current pad. Turns out Rahella had put it upside-down in the cover, and I had been sitting, not on a cushion, but on a hard piece of wood.

Anyway, I now feel fine. The experience (experience, not Experience) sure did make me appreciate the bravery of all those folks who are in constant pain.

I knew I was at the point of no return when I watched a movie about cute little animals in the jungle yesterday and I found myself rooting for the predators.

But pythons gotta live too, you know?!

Waskily wesident

Oh, dear! I've developed an arch enemy.
This old dude who has what seems to be severe dementia has fixated on me. When he encounters me here at the home, he curses and mutters threats -or at least he did until he was out in the lobby and growled, "You think you need a wheelchair now. you just wait until I break both your legs!"
SO,I immediately called the receptionist's attention to it, saying loudly, "Did you hear that? Someone that lives here just threatened me with bodily harm, and I think staff should be aware of that."

She said, "OK". but I actually don't think she was at all interested. (Understandable!)

So, dear readers, when they someday find my mangled body abandoned in the trash room, it was the nasty resident who looks like an evil Elmer Fudd that did it.

Nominal tale

I was at church last Thursday doing my volunteèr work when a woman came in looking for a handout. The pastor asked her what her name was.

"Latrine'" she replied.

"Excuse me?" the pastor said.

"Latrine," she repeated.

The pastor completed his business with her, but, as soon as she left, he expressed his astonishment. "LATRINE!!"' he said. "Who would name their kid Latrine??? A latrine is a toilet!!!"

He chuckled for a moment, then added, "I wonder if her husband's name is John?"

I am much too lady-like to say this out loud, but my thought was, "I bet her kids are a bunch of little terds."

Part 3

And so I grabbed my Kindle and
I clicked on "Kindle Store".
I found "Romance 4 Dummies"
And I found a whole lot more.

"Write on Kindle. Make Big Bucks",
"Romance From A to Z",
I purchased these, but drew the line.
"Write Sex!" was not for me.

And thus encumbered, I was ripe
To start my new career,
I grabbed my Kindle, flipped the switch
And sadly groaned, "Oh dear!"

My Kindle's screen was just a blur.
The darned thing broke, you see.
And, though it soon would be replaced,
It disappointed me.

"Perhaps it is a sign from God".
I thought despondantly.
The truth, I fear, is not explained
So metaphysically.

Could the truth be that I'm lazy?
Are my excuses trite?
Might I just be inventing
All these reasons not to write?

Shakespear had no web page
(Although he has lots now!)
Dickens had no Kindle, yet
He muddled through somehow.

To write a novel, all one needs
Is paper and a pen -
Plus, one needs the fortitude
To simply just begin.

I will start now - yes, I will -
But first a quick respite
To make an entry in my blog
'Bout why I seldom write.

Maybe, though, a magazine
On "How to Blog" I'll find.
Its good, you see, that I have got
A ton of extra time.

I'm sure you'll soon be seeing me
In nearby libraries.
Were Oprah not retired, you
Could catch me on TV.

For TV, though, I need new clothes.
I can't write till I shop.
Besides, my class was cancelled,
And then my Kindle stopped,

My pen is low on ink, alas!
My paper's running out.
My desk is just a mess and I
Have got to clean it out.

Too bad these things all slow me down.
I'll someday write, you know...
But now the phone is ringing and
I really have to go...!

Part 2

Perhaps you think I'm petulent!,
But I cannot agree,
Because I heard this bummed out news
And it did not stop me,

I thought instead, "I guess that i'll
Just have to change my plans.
Perhaps I'll write romances, 'cause
Demand for them is grand!

"Readers love a lusty tale,
So that's what I'll write now,
But first, before I write one, I
Will have to find out how,"

Because, you see, I'd never read
A single romance tale.
"How hard can it be?" I thought
"I bet I do not fail."
TO BE CONTINUED

another way (revised 6/7/11)

Sometimes there is nothing
That makes good sense to me.
Things that seems the most absurd
Are likeliest to be.

Geriatric peers create
Confusion hourly.
Guarenteeing multitudes
Of small emergencies.

All of this I just expect,
For it is nothing new.
Languor and stupidity
Combine to pull me through.

But then I signed up for a class
I hoped would rescue me.
"Mount a web page. Make some cents",
The ad called out to me.

I'd hoped to launch a business
Where, for some quite modest pay,
I'd write a rhyme that said just what
The buyer hoped to say.

Alas, the class was cancelled!
So now I'm high and dry,
But low and moist or high and dry,
I know I'll still re-try!

TO BE CONTINUED

Emergency

The fire alarm went off twice in the middle off the night last night. That is rather frightening, since all that all I can do is lie in bed and wait it out -I can't get out of bed by myself. Well, I thought, at least I'll maybe get to be carried to safety by some yummy hunky firemen ! The alarm makes a aloud alarm noise followed by the recorded voice of a woman announcing loudly and clearly and slowly, "Attention residents. A fire emergency has been reported In the building. Please proceed to the nearest exit stairway and exit the building. Do not take elevator." So I'm just laying there waiting, when, WHAM!!! I hear the front entry door of my unit crash open. Thinking hopefully that it might be one of the one of the Emeritus staff come to usher me to safety, I yell, "Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?"

And a demented (literally), frantic, confused ancient woman barrels into my room and frantically runs to the window!

I huddled deep into my bed and tried to become invisible.

Luckily, one of the staff saw her and followed her in. It was Verna, the one who speaks such broken English that I can't understand hr at all. She said, "'oh, Graf ish beetf, Mrs. Gcdxk. Nfgvs mgr,Miss Debbie. Jeqgdtibkgf ndrtbdx.".

The woman protested, "They said to go to the nearest exit. That was the nearest exit!"

Verna took her away, and all was well.

It was a false alarm, thank God. It revealed total lack of preparation on the part of the staff. I understand that poor, I'll-trained Gretchen was up on the 3rd floor trying to maneuver bed-bound people into wheelchairs by herself.