Never again! I promise!!

If you don't believe-- in God, in the Nature Spirit, in Kismit, in Buddha, in Tao, in Allah, in Krishna... if you believe there is no power out there to judge you or to keep you on the straight and narrow, then have I ever got a story that's going to make you quake in your booties!

I wrote a fairly mean blog post last time, detailing an unfortunate, embarrassing incident which will never, ever be mentioned again, but which happened to my saintlike mother. Immediately after I'd published the mean post, I browsed, went to an infected site, caught a horrible virus, couldn't use the computer, and paid Geeks Mobile USA $150.00 to fix it. (Ron had said he'd look at it when he got back in town, but I was impatient...

So, if you know what is good for you, respect your mother.

late October lament

Wow, it sure is cold out. What a bummer. Time to dust off the scarves and mittens.
I bought a new winter coat this year. I really did need it... I have heavy, bulky coats that would be fine in a blizzard, but I didn't have a nice, ligtweight coat I could wear all day. I think last year I wore my leather jacket, but the jacket isn't all that warm.

You know what? Come to think of it, I used to have a full length leather coat. I wonder what ever happened to it? In all the moving and breaking up the apartment and all, I just kinda lost track of stuff.

It will be interesting to be here on a busy city street and see what happens in the snow. At Sunrise, I looked out on a big field and park, which was pretty, but not much fun. Here there is heavy traffic, and people walking up and down the sidewalk all the time.

There is a great place for chili, Hard Times Cafe, down in Clarendon, which is just one metro stop from here. That will be fun in the snow.

I think I'll call this essay "winter is here, so grow up and make the best of it."

brrrrr

It's real cold outside now, although it was temperate weather all day. I guess that is what one should expect in November in VA. No one ever knows what to wear. There are folks outside in hats and gloves, and there are young guys with shorts and no socks. Although that seems to be the fashion, now. Young men go out in raging snowstorms wearing running shorts and no coats. That seems crazy to me. Do I sound like an old fogey?

Not under construction

Ron sent an e-mail immediately after my last post saying that I don't need to buy expensive software to mount a web page. He says that I should go to the Google free website page and make one there for free. He told me this a while ago also, but I decided to take the class just because I thought it would be fun to take a class. It was, but apparently I learned nothing. This communication from Ron was wonderful for 2 reasons: 1) I'd forgotten the advice that he gave me. I will give making a free site on Google a valiant try before I buy something. 2) This communication was yet further proof that someone reads my blog! The counter I've installed on the blog's front page goes up numerically every time someone hits on my site, but I always manage to convince myself that the visitors were just me, editing the last entry.

Probably, "marketing wise", this has been a horrible blog entry. A blogger is probably supposed to convince readers that they are but one of an abundant trove of other readers...

...which you are, of course. The day is not far in the future when my name will be as commonly recognised as Oprah... or Ellen... or Steve Jobs... I'm afraid that the only thing I have in common with Steve Jobs is that I like apples. (apples, alas, not Apples.)

If at first...

Well, I finished my "Build and Maintain Your Own Website" class last week after 8 sessions. It is supposed to teach one to build one's own website for free on Tripod. I tried for many hours yesterday, and I can fly to the moon about as easily as I could build my own website.

So that was money well spent. I guess I'll try again tomorrow.

Or maybe I'll buy Dreamweaver tomorrow!

fall

It's "Back to School" time for sure. There are many indications of this, but, in my humble opinion, the most welcome of these is the change in the weather.

Heat and multiple sclerosis DO NOT MIX! When I'm hot, I'm a basket case. (No comments, please, about my normal condition.) As a matter of fact, it was being hot at the pool that initially dramatized my MS symptoms to the point that I could no longer ignore them.

To avoid heat induced illness, I keep my room here quite cool. It drives all the little skinny Ethiopian women caregivers crazy. I'm the one who has to live here, and they are just here for 15 minutes, so I don't worry about it... which is yet another reason why I'm so popular around here.

Finally, though, fall weather is moving in. It is to be only in the mid-40's and high 65 to 69 degrees tomorrow. (Does anyone know where the little degree symbol is on the iPad virtual keyboard?)

Another "Back to School" indicator is the fact that I began a new class today. It is offered by Arlington County Adult Education and is called "Design your Own Website". It teaches, not only how to make a site, but also how to publish it, as well as how to make it more visible to search engines.

It will be really fun and challenging to "re-create" a page like the one I used to run. This page was named "Write to Order". On it, I sold custom written nonsense verse or alternate song lyrics about anyone or anything. Customers told me the nature of the verse they wanted, and I e-mailed questions about the theme. People read or sang these verses at parties and tributes, or made the poems into greeting card. I used a service called "PayPal" to deal with all the money collection. PayPal, in my opinion, was well worth the small fee charged.

The problem is that the ISP went out of business, and the page just disappeared. Yes, I do have it on backup disks, but I can't figure out how to publish it again. I think I really just luck that I ever got it published in the first place. My ISP was named ABC, because that was the first one listed and I didn't know how to differentiate.

Anyway, I don't want to put the same page back up. I want something fresh.

I made a few sales with the old site, including about 50 songs/poems for birthday or retirement events. I even wrote a whole series of poems for a girl's Bat Mitzvah. I had a job then, though, and didn't have much time for advertising or promotion. Now I have tons of time, so maybe I can make a go of this.

I think the funniest thing I wrote was for a woman on her first anniversary. She wanted a song to sing to her husband at their first anniversary party that made fun of his three old girlfriends, and she told me a prominent flaw about each of them. I wrote the song to the tune of "The Aadams Family"' and it went something like, "They're creepy and they're kooky, They're ugly, dumb, and spooky, They're altogether ooky, The girls Fred used to date"

Lest we forget...

On the day after the 911 10th anniversary, I had a sobering reminder that I do, indeed, live in Arlington. There is a guy here that I've always just thought about as an "Old Coot". He has no teeth and wild hair that sticks out in clumps. I've never really spoken to him except to say, "Hi, Mr.Finch. Glad you are home from the hospital.".

On 9/12, I went in the sitting room here to read the paper, and found Mr. Finch at the table. He had a whole stack of lined white writing paper and was looking at the 911 commemorative issue of the Post. He was writing furiously, and had a small stack of pages of neatly written notes. Always eager to stick my nose where it doesn't belong, I said, "Hi! What are you writing?"

He pushed aside the stack of newspapers about 911 observations and said, "I don't want to ever forget."

I said, "Were you at the Pentagon?"

He said, "I was retired. That plane hit my office. My whole department died." After discussion, he further said, "I lived in a high rise near Watergate, right across the river. I went out on the balcony because I heard the plane coming in so low. And then I saw it fly straight into the Pentagon."

Wow. Sorta brings the whole day back to life, doesn't it?

Fiction

I'm taking a creative writing class with Arlington County. The class is called "Daytime Writers". The idea behind the class is that the students write individually and bring their work to class and the other studnts review it and offer suggestions. One guy brought in his resume, one woman brings in projects for work, and the others are working on fiction. The class is a great opportunity. I, alas, have not done anywhere near enough actual work to take full advantage of the class. So, of course, I'm going to take it again next term.

They say that the definition of "insanity" is to do the same thing over and over again while always hoping for different results.

My story so far has got two 30ish chicks in a bedroom reading an ad in the classifieds that says, ""Free Room.   Young female smokers only.  Light chores and companionship for elderly gentleman.  No pets.". It is then revealed in conversation that one of the women is crashing with the other woman and her husband while she looks for a place to live, so there ensues significant pressure on the woman to call the number in the ad. In the meantime, the phone rings. The homeless woman answers. It turns out to be the man who ran the ad mysteriously calling THEM.

So what happens next?

IPad

I've done the last few Blog entries from my IPad, because I can write from my easy chair and don't have to be at the computer. Doing blog entries from the IPad is quite difficult, although the more I work with and learn about IPad, the easier it gets.

Some things are just intrinsically harder, though. For instance, unless you buy a keyboard and attach it, (which would make it harder to use the IPad in the easy chair!), typing, is done with one finger on a flat digital keyboard that appears on screen. I type with one finger, anyway, so it isn't that much harder, but it is very different.

The thing that is LOTS harder is accomplishing the highlighting required to insert links. I figured out all the mechanics of doing a link on the IPad, but I can't manage to touch that little screen precisely enough to accurately highlight the one or two tiny little words that I want to link to something. Yesterday's entry was done on IPad, but it took all day. My last link was to UVA, and highlighting it was SO frustrating that I was thinking, "They all know what UVA is!" I'm sure that's probably true. but doing the links is kinda the fun part of writing a blog. Most of my links are legit, but, if you do generally follow my links, you've probably realized that there are times when I link to something unusual.

Anyway, my question is, does anyone know of a way to make it easier to highlight words on an IPad screen?

Probably you are wondering why I don't just write all my blog entries on the computer instead of the Ipad. (I wish Apple gave me $$ for each time I linked to IPad!) See, it's a different way of living when one is totally dependant on others to move from chair to chair. I sit in my wheelchair to use the computer, but eventually I get tired of sitting straight up. When I do, I get the "hired help" to move me to the easy chair, BUT then I am stuck there for a couple hours - I can't just go back to the desk in 15 minutes. So, actually the IPad is a real lifesaver, (If only I could highlight stuff on it.)

I need to start writing. I could do that, on the IPad. Real writing. You know - books. Like people pay money for. I've mentioned this over and over, in multiple blog entries.

Things people can do when they should be writing a book:

1. Write blog entries about how they should be writing a book.
2. Read books about how to write books.
3. Research writer's markets in periodicals.
4. Talk to their shrink about why they really ought to write a book.
5. Go to Staples and buy a dictionary.
6. Order a book titled "How to Overcome Writer's Block".
7. Sign up for an adult education class in Clarendon titled "Daytime Writers".
8. Study Spanish.
9. Go to the movies.
10. Feel desolate because of having no income or profession.

Tina Fey

I'm reading "BossyPants" by Tina Fey" and I love it! She is the woman who was on SNL who then moved on 30Rock.. It turns out that she went to UVA and majored in Drama about 10 years after I got out - which is Incredibly cool! She took the same classes I did, and from.some of the same people! She talks in the book about the one big party the Drama department has every year, and I went to that party 3 times.

UVA isn't very big on comedy, though, or on improv. She never says that she learned anything she could use. With stuff like comedy, I guess you have to be lucky and put yourself in the right place at the right time.

I had one role at Virginia that Tina Fey could have played really well. It was when I played the whole Polish army iin Ubu Roi.

The book is good and entertaining

From whence commeth my help?

Rainy, rainy day today. Maybe I'm naturally masochistic, but I really enjoyed sitting by the window all morninng watching drowned passer-bys try to hurry down the sidewalk and not get wetter.

Thie afternoon it sort of dried out. I went to Ballston and saw "Hanna". It is supposed to be a good movie, but I completely slept through it. I should have saved my money and stayed here and taken a nap! I don't know, though. Something about living here just makes me feel like I need to be away and doing something else all the time.

Which reminds me - my psychiatrist just retired. He sent a generic letter to all his patients saying not to take it personally.

And my neurologist died.... I'm a medical pirriah!I think my foot doctor is still alive and kicking - get it? Foot doctor... kicking?...

Perhaps I should discuss all this with my psychologist. She seems in good health, but she honored the spirit of the curse by raising her rates recently.

Guess I'll go head shrinker hunting.

Anniversary

We are going out tonight - me, Sue, Mom, Dad, Ron, Martha, maybe Shirly - for Mom and Damd's 60th anniveersary. Here is the poem I wrote:

60 years of marriage is
A hard thing to explain.
I try to think about it but
It stupefies my brain.

What glue is it that holds them close
And keeps them hand in glove?
Could it be something simple like
The fact that they’re in love?

I know, throughout their many years
Of anniversaries,
“To Honey” all their cards have read,
And they’ve been signed “From Me”.

A kiss good bye is natural
Each time they leave the house,
And always they are dreaming up
New ways to please their spouse.

With all of this, the 60 years
Can now be understood
As the power of a love
That’s strong and sweet and good.

whew!!

My tax stuff is finally together, and I called the guy who does taxes for me, Mom & Pa, and Sue, and he says he'll come to Emeritus come get my stuff and do my taxes, even at this late date (March 27). I hope I really have all the papers I need.

He is a wonderful tax man,. His name is John Husovsky, and, if you need a tax preparer, email me, dialawriter@yahoo.com, I'll send you his phone number. Anyway, I bet I make out well on taxes this year, because the enormous cost of assisted living is partly deductible, and I have receipts for over $12,000 in other medical expenses. The bad news is, of course, that I actually had to spend that money to get those receipts.

Other than work on taxes (I had to gather together and total those receipts, you know!), I haven't had the free time available to do much of anything else...
so please warm up your tiny violins to play for me. This is one of Ron Mussleman's favorite expressions - he even uses his thumb and index finger to mimic playing a tiny violin.

Anyway, because of the push to finish the taxes, I done much of anything else... except go to the movies - Limitless. I really liked it. And eat at Chevy's with a friend. It seemed too expensive and the cooking was not authentic Mexican cooking.

Life's a bitch, ain't it? Tomorrow I have physical therapy, Spanish tutoring, tax man, and therapist. At least I'm retired!

Elizabeth Taylor

Elizabeth Taylor has died! She'll sure be missed!... She was a fine lady, as well as a real beauty and an extremely talented actress.

I haven't spoken to Mom about it, but I bet she's sad, She has always really liked Elizabeth Taylor, and, because they are the same exactly the same age, sort of identified with her. Mom loved going to the movies as a teen, and would sit in the dark theaters and watch teen aged Liz Taylor on the big screen. Did you know that Liz Taylor was only 12 years old when she made "National Velvet"? (I once had a pet rabbit named National Velvet, but that is quite beside the point! I think a big dog ate her. One morning her cage in the back yard in Charlottesville was knocked to the ground, and she was gone. Sister Sue was always real sweet to that rabbit. She put a cat leash on her and walked her around the back yard.)

Back to Liz Taylor - At one time she was married to John Warner. In 1979, he ran for Senator from Virginia for the first time, and he came to Charlottesville to campaign, bringing Liz. I never saw her speak, but she appeared in lots of places. They had a parade for her, and I did get to see her in the back of a car. I know they made all sorts of special arrangements for her visit, but, to be honest, Queen Elizabeth visited during about the same time period, and I can't remember which special arrangements were for which Elizabeth.

An odd side note to this story is that I watched Katie Couric talking about the death on CBS and I remembered that Katie Couric was in my UVA graduating class, so she was there iike I was when Liz Tayor made the big visit!

One of the reasons I am so impressed and inspired by Liz Taylor is the fact that she has been a tireless AIDS activist. Should you wish to honor her memory, this is the link you follow to reach her AIDS Foundation.

So now, as a fond farewell, I think I'll go spray on some Liz Tayljor perfume. That's the only way I'll ever smell like an angel!

Accessibility

OK, play the theme from "The Twilight Zone" as you read the next entry. I had a terrible row with the care manager this morning - I won't go into it, I guess, but I'm left thinking, "It isn't possible to go on this way. Do I have to move again?" Tonight I read my horoscope. It says, "Someone has repeatedly disappointed you. Normally you would take a walk. But things are different this time. If you wait, you will benefit greatly." So lets pretend we believe in horoscopes.

I was back in Falls Church yesterday, getting my weekly Avonex injection. It was a nice day so I decided to roll up the couple blocks to Sunrise to see my friend Bill Welch, who I kinda feel like I abandoned. When I lived there, I had complained literally every day about the front door not being handicapped accessible. It was a heavy door, and my knees were always torn to shreds by it. They always said, "Maybe someday." This for a year and a half. So guess what! I move out, and one month later THE DOOR IS TOTALLY ACCESSIBLE!!!!! It has a push buttons now! Never say that I never accomplished anything!

SNOW

I hate and loathe and detest snow! I told that to the Metro Access driver yesterday, and he said, "Yeah. You need chains and snow tires on that thing!" (meaning my wheelchair.) It a doozy of a storm yesterday. I called Sue this morning, and it took her from 5PM until midnight to get home! Where she works is less than 10 miles from her home! Then she slept in for a couple hours, but had to be up and struggling back to work today by 10AM. The Federal Government was 2 hours late, but open. I called her this morning, and she told me that poor Ron had called her real late and that they'd plowed the parking lot where he works and plowed his car in!! So I, being the always concerned (but totally uselesess!) friend, called him immediately to see if he was OK. I woke him up of course. I seem to have a history of this. Do you think its just that I'm lacking in common sense?


Speaking of not having any sense, I signed up for a Spanish I part III adult education class with Arlington County, having never taken parts I or II. I figured my Spanish Blackbelt courses would suffice. WRONG!! I'm going to try to catch up, but what, pray tell, is a 'preterit tense'? And why the hell would one care to use it? I live in the present, I remember the past, I wait for the future, but never have I been in the preterit, nor, I hope, will I ever be. 'Preterit' sounds like the debris left by an exploding star!

golden globes

Did everyone watch the "Golden Globes" last night? I thought I'd seen a lot of movies, but I saw NONE of the ones that won big awards. I'd seen a lot of the nominees, but they didn't end up winning. For example, "Alice in Wonderland, The Tourist (Does anyone notice a distinctive "Johnny Depp" leaning to my interests?)

There are many, many movies that the show inspitrd me to see. So. in my typical schizophrenic manner, I'm going tomorrow to see a movie that is none of them. It's "The Green Hornet". I've heard it is good, though.

philosphy

MS is large coffee stain on the shirt of life. But more than that… It is also a tear in the armpit….

…And the hem is out! Lets don’t forget that the hem is out.

But don’t throw out the shirt! OK? It can be nominally attractive under a jacket… if the jacket is big enough to hide the coffee stain.

Or you can give it to the poor… if they’ll take it. I think the poor might be getting pickier.

Snow

BUMMER! It snowed! Doesn't it just figure... The ONE day a week that I actually have something to do is Thursday, so, of course, if it is going to snow, it is going to do so on Thursday.

After all, what else would you expect... since, after all, I'm cursed, you know....

Its actually my own fault. (NO, not that it snowed. Even I don't attribute that much power to screw things up to myself.) I won't go into all the details, but it is, indeed, my fault that I ended up with nothing to do tonight, when at various times I had several options.

I f***ed up.

In real life, I'd just say it, but in a blog you run the risk that someone might show it to your mother.
This is a picture of my mother. She is the one on the left. Dad is on the right.

This is some man I don't know, but I thought it was a funny picture.


Please forgive me. Let's just call this a snow day.

Theater of the Absurd

I keep trying to tell you why I wore men's long underwear on stage at UVa and the "Caretaker Nazis" keep coming in and putting me far from the computer.

One of the shows was just a sort of readers theater production of the Dr. Seuss book "And to Think that I saw it on Mulberry Street". It was a show someone directed to get the directing credit they needed to graduate.

My other 'long underwear' play was "Ubu Roi", a theater of the absurd work by Alfred Jarry. I played the Polish Army in this work (not a member of the army, but the whole Polish Army.) I was blessed in this play with stage directions such as "Polish Army riots" and "Polish Army disobeys". It was wonderful.