Joy

TO: Joy to the World

Joy to the world,
It is Friday.
The maids will clean my room!
They’ll vacuum and they’ll sweep the floor.
They’ll shine the sink, but then there’s more!
They’ll take the trash ah-ah-way.
They’ll take the trash ah-ah-way.
They’ll ta-ke, they’ll ta-a-ake the trash a way!

WINTER WONDERLAND

TO: WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND

Pagers ring. Aides don’t listen.
Rings might bring new petitions.
Please don’t put aides through
A job they must do.
Just sit in your chair and be real bland.

I get up every day-ay.
And I scurry a way-ay.
Don’t care where I go
So long as I know
Surly aides aren’t going to be at hand.

Close to two AM I hear them chatter.
Right outside my door, they shout to friends.
To complain would only make them madder.
Besides, by four o’clock the chatter ends!

I arise fairly early
And I leave in a hurry.
I wonder which way I’m going today…
When I get there, then I’ll understand!

Jingle Bells

TO: JINGLE BELLS

Racing through the door.
You’d best get out the way.
Got no place to go
But I’m going anyway.

Cold don’t hinder me.
I shiver but still roam,
I’ve just got to get away
From this damned old folks home.

OH

Off to shop, to museums, maybe try a play.
If I catch a movie it will while the time away – ay.
Go drink suds at a bar, hoping time will pass.
Maybe I'll go crazy and I'll take a Spanish class!

12 Days of Christmas

This is an attempt at humor. Any resemblance to an actual meal, living or dead, is pure coincidence!

SUNG TO: The Twelve Days of Christmas

The first day of Christmas the kitchen gave to me
A mushy meat lump with gravy.

On the second day of Christmas, they tried variety,
Calling them ribs,
They baked sauce on bare bones to serve me.

On the third day of Christmas, the chef baked up poultry,
Wee tiny hens,
Overcooked squash,
Tooth breaking bread,
And a fine tasting cup of coffee.

On the fourth day of Christmas, this lunch was served to me:
Quite smelly fish,
Soup that congealed,
Limp lettuce leaves.
And a spoonfull of languid green peas.

On the fifth day of Christmas, the kitchen serves to me
Five Harvard beets!
Four big lumps of meat,
Potatoes,
Two small greyish mounds,
And it’s all covered in a gravy.

Snow

BUMMER! It snowed! Doesn't it just figure... The ONE day a week that I actually have something to do is Thursday, so, of course, if it is going to snow, it is going to do so on Thursday.

After all, what else would you expect... since, after all, I'm cursed, you know....

Its actually my own fault. (NO, not that it snowed. Even I don't attribute that much power to screw things up to myself.) I won't go into all the details, but it is, indeed, my fault that I ended up with nothing to do tonight, when at various times I had several options.

I f***ed up.

In real life, I'd just say it, but in a blog you run the risk that someone might show it to your mother.
This is a picture of my mother. She is the one on the left. Dad is on the right.

This is some man I don't know, but I thought it was a funny picture.


Please forgive me. Let's just call this a snow day.

Theater of the Absurd

I keep trying to tell you why I wore men's long underwear on stage at UVa and the "Caretaker Nazis" keep coming in and putting me far from the computer.

One of the shows was just a sort of readers theater production of the Dr. Seuss book "And to Think that I saw it on Mulberry Street". It was a show someone directed to get the directing credit they needed to graduate.

My other 'long underwear' play was "Ubu Roi", a theater of the absurd work by Alfred Jarry. I played the Polish Army in this work (not a member of the army, but the whole Polish Army.) I was blessed in this play with stage directions such as "Polish Army riots" and "Polish Army disobeys". It was wonderful.

?

My apologizies to all of you who have been waiting with acute anxiety to find out why I did two shows in Culbreath's Black Box theater while costumed in men's long underwear. My further apologies to those of you who've been waiting with an ugly anxiety. (yuck, yuck. Get it? Acute anxity... an ugly anxietty! Hey, gimme a break. It's been a bad day!) My deepest, most heartfelt apologies to those of you who don't give a crap. But, then again, those of you who don't give a crap probably don't read the blog either. In which case I think I'll quit talking to you. SO THERE!!

Relationships are difficult, aren't they?