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Before I start, let me mention that I just saw a woman on TV who says that the world will end on May 21st. My birthday is May 24th. If you are planning on sending a card or anything, you might want to get it in the mail early... Just thought you'd want to know!
TO: O Little Town of Bethlehem
(NOTE: The Falls Church Police department used to drive Volvos. Really!)
O little town of Falls Church
How sleepily you lie.
In your small streets the Volvo cops
Keep out a watchful eye.
You like to think you're crimeless,
But on this very night
Around our 7-11 store
You will see quite a fright.
The bums who hang out there at Mings
Have started to push and shove.
A woman with a bloated face
Begs coins for a child she loves.
The hooker's inside flirting
With every man on earth.
And watch out for the cashier, he'll
Take you for what you're worth.
How silently, how silently
The bag of dope is giv'n
Across the ice cream freezer here
At our dear 7-11.
One wonders what will happen
In this small world of sin.
No telling 'cause the Volvo cops
Do not dare venture in.
TO: Come Thou Long Expected Jesus
Come, thou long expected pizza.
We called for you at quarter 'til three.
We've been waiting for over an hour.
Where, oh where, can that pizza be?
I am dying of starvation.
Haven't got the strength to fart.
I know a pizza will be my salvation
As soon as to eat I can start.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
More Christmas card
TO: Let it Snow
Oh, the weather outside is frightful
'Cause the sun is so delightful
And to work I don't want to go!
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
Oh, I wanna stay home and watch movies.
That would sure be groovy.
But the wind doesn't even blow,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
Well, Bob Ryan said late last night
There was 10 percent chance of a storm.
And Bob Ryan is usually right.
So why the heck is it so warm?
Well. I guess the old bastard was lying.
God, I feel like crying.
This is three days of work in a row.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
This next song comes from the time period in which we converted the dining room of our 1 bedroom apartment into a 2nd bedroom. I slept in the dining room, adjacent to the kitchen.
TO: Away in a Manger
Away in the kitchen,
No place for her bed,
The poor Debbie Taylor
Lays down her sweet head.
The garbage disposal
Upstairs grinds away.
And our ice box engine
Keeps running til day.
I love this apartment,
But I'd like to lay
Where nocturnal hampsters
Don't bang as they play,
Where coffee ain't brewing
As dawn breaks the sky.
Oh maybe, oh maybe
I'll sleep by and by.
TO: Silver Bells
Tysons Corners, Seven Corners
Full of holiday sales.
Im the mall there's a feeling of Christmas.
Forty dollars, fifty dollars
Can these price tags be real?
So I look in my purse and find...
...silver coins, silver coins,
Goodness, but it is a pity.
Clink, clink, clank.
My piggy bank
Can afford no presents today.
Oh, the weather outside is frightful
'Cause the sun is so delightful
And to work I don't want to go!
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
Oh, I wanna stay home and watch movies.
That would sure be groovy.
But the wind doesn't even blow,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
Well, Bob Ryan said late last night
There was 10 percent chance of a storm.
And Bob Ryan is usually right.
So why the heck is it so warm?
Well. I guess the old bastard was lying.
God, I feel like crying.
This is three days of work in a row.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
This next song comes from the time period in which we converted the dining room of our 1 bedroom apartment into a 2nd bedroom. I slept in the dining room, adjacent to the kitchen.
TO: Away in a Manger
Away in the kitchen,
No place for her bed,
The poor Debbie Taylor
Lays down her sweet head.
The garbage disposal
Upstairs grinds away.
And our ice box engine
Keeps running til day.
I love this apartment,
But I'd like to lay
Where nocturnal hampsters
Don't bang as they play,
Where coffee ain't brewing
As dawn breaks the sky.
Oh maybe, oh maybe
I'll sleep by and by.
TO: Silver Bells
Tysons Corners, Seven Corners
Full of holiday sales.
Im the mall there's a feeling of Christmas.
Forty dollars, fifty dollars
Can these price tags be real?
So I look in my purse and find...
...silver coins, silver coins,
Goodness, but it is a pity.
Clink, clink, clank.
My piggy bank
Can afford no presents today.
Friday, December 31, 2010
card pt. 1
Many, many years ago I wrote a Christmas card which featured different poems to be sung to the tunes of different carols. Because they bring back memories of that relatively carefree time back to life, here they are again. They were accompanied by my primative drawings of Christmas scenes, all of which we faithfully colored by hand. (We drank a bit back then!) One of the songs I shared with you on 12/7. Here are more:
This carol is funny. I was thinking I'd already put it in the blog, but I can't find it, and I like it too much to take a chance on missing it.
This was back in the late '80's, before I was visibly disabled. I volunteered as what was called an "AIDS buddy" through the Whitman Walker clinic. Basically, I just provided friendship and whatever practical assistance I could to someone who was dying of AIDS - which, remember, is what eventually happened back then to anyone who was HIV+ back then. It was a horrible time.
My buddy - the only one I ever had - was Bob Edwards, a real flamer. He had these two horrible nasty little dogs that he loved dearly. These creepy, dirty, smelly. incontinent little beasts were probably 900 years old in dog years. With their arthritic little bodies, they moved at a snails pace.
So who got to walk them? Me.
And what happened? A creepy fat man ran up to us and pulled off his raincoat. Under the coat he was naked. He then chased me and the very slow dogs slowly up the street.
Thus, this carol
TO: Jingle Bells
Dashing toward the door
While the doggies lag and play.
O'er the field I run,
Freaked out all the way.
Obscene cat calls ring,
Giving me a fright.
Why did that fat naked man take his clothes off in my sight?
Oh-h-h-h-h-h-h
Dangling balls, dangling balls,
Dangling all the way.
Why did that damned fat man have to pick on me to day-aye.
Dangling balls, dangling balls,
Dangling all the way.
Why did that damned fat man have to pick on me to day
:
This carol is funny. I was thinking I'd already put it in the blog, but I can't find it, and I like it too much to take a chance on missing it.
This was back in the late '80's, before I was visibly disabled. I volunteered as what was called an "AIDS buddy" through the Whitman Walker clinic. Basically, I just provided friendship and whatever practical assistance I could to someone who was dying of AIDS - which, remember, is what eventually happened back then to anyone who was HIV+ back then. It was a horrible time.
My buddy - the only one I ever had - was Bob Edwards, a real flamer. He had these two horrible nasty little dogs that he loved dearly. These creepy, dirty, smelly. incontinent little beasts were probably 900 years old in dog years. With their arthritic little bodies, they moved at a snails pace.
So who got to walk them? Me.
And what happened? A creepy fat man ran up to us and pulled off his raincoat. Under the coat he was naked. He then chased me and the very slow dogs slowly up the street.
Thus, this carol
TO: Jingle Bells
Dashing toward the door
While the doggies lag and play.
O'er the field I run,
Freaked out all the way.
Obscene cat calls ring,
Giving me a fright.
Why did that fat naked man take his clothes off in my sight?
Oh-h-h-h-h-h-h
Dangling balls, dangling balls,
Dangling all the way.
Why did that damned fat man have to pick on me to day-aye.
Dangling balls, dangling balls,
Dangling all the way.
Why did that damned fat man have to pick on me to day
:
Thursday, December 30, 2010
continuation
Sorry that last post ended so abruptly, but they came to take me away.
ANYWAY. it was kinda amazing how many people were aggressively pushing their self-important way through the mall with "no holds barred" attitudes. I got Sue2 a suit jacket at LL Bean that is the wrong size and, since I actually have nothing in the world to do, I think I'll offer to take it and exchange it myself. That would be the patriotic thing to do - that way she can continue her classified government work on whatever it is that she does. It has something to do with the "President's Budget", so probably you can thank me for saving you thousands of taxpayer dollars!
I did NOT study my Spanish this week, and class is tonight. But, hey, it is Christmas! Such an attitude doesn't make a whole lot of sense when one is taking the class solely for one'ls own edification, does it?
Be sure to tune back in. I hope to give you all of the Christmas card I wrote years ago that I've been sharing bits of occasionally. (I guess that is a promise and not a threat!!)
ANYWAY. it was kinda amazing how many people were aggressively pushing their self-important way through the mall with "no holds barred" attitudes. I got Sue2 a suit jacket at LL Bean that is the wrong size and, since I actually have nothing in the world to do, I think I'll offer to take it and exchange it myself. That would be the patriotic thing to do - that way she can continue her classified government work on whatever it is that she does. It has something to do with the "President's Budget", so probably you can thank me for saving you thousands of taxpayer dollars!
I did NOT study my Spanish this week, and class is tonight. But, hey, it is Christmas! Such an attitude doesn't make a whole lot of sense when one is taking the class solely for one'ls own edification, does it?
Be sure to tune back in. I hope to give you all of the Christmas card I wrote years ago that I've been sharing bits of occasionally. (I guess that is a promise and not a threat!!)
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
I went to Tysons mall today. It was CRAZY there! There were more people than right before Christmas, and the PEOPLE WERE MEAN!
I saw True Grit. I loved it, but I see the critics only gave it B+.
I saw True Grit. I loved it, but I see the critics only gave it B+.
Monday, December 27, 2010
More family
Yesterday I spoke about "family" and how the concept of family had grown and evolved over time for me. None of this negates the importance of blood relatives, though. I assumed this was underdstood, but it occurred to me that I'd better say it outright when I remembereed that some of my most loyal readers are my aunts.
Hi, aunts!
I have aunts on the brain today (aunts on the brain would be a great name for a rock band!) (forgive me, Dave Barry) because I went to see Mom and Dad, and Aunt Delores and Uncle Gene dropped in. They only live 20 minutes away, in Alexandria. We talked about how funny it was beck when "Feliz Navidad" came on the radio, and Uncle Raymond declared vehemently that it was the stupidest song he'd ever heard. One of my aunts said, "Why? They are just singing 'Merry Christmas' in Spanish," to which Raymond responded, "Fleas on the dog? They just keep singing 'fleas on the dog' over and over!"
My Uncle Kenny sent me a Christmas card that I got today, too. He reminded me of the time when I was little and he lived on the farm, and I went with him to milk the cows, and came back and told Mom that "Uncle Kenny fed milk to the cows." Although he says that it was in the mid 70's, which made me about 16 years old, so I wonder what the deal was there...?
More on family later!
Hi, aunts!
I have aunts on the brain today (aunts on the brain would be a great name for a rock band!) (forgive me, Dave Barry) because I went to see Mom and Dad, and Aunt Delores and Uncle Gene dropped in. They only live 20 minutes away, in Alexandria. We talked about how funny it was beck when "Feliz Navidad" came on the radio, and Uncle Raymond declared vehemently that it was the stupidest song he'd ever heard. One of my aunts said, "Why? They are just singing 'Merry Christmas' in Spanish," to which Raymond responded, "Fleas on the dog? They just keep singing 'fleas on the dog' over and over!"
My Uncle Kenny sent me a Christmas card that I got today, too. He reminded me of the time when I was little and he lived on the farm, and I went with him to milk the cows, and came back and told Mom that "Uncle Kenny fed milk to the cows." Although he says that it was in the mid 70's, which made me about 16 years old, so I wonder what the deal was there...?
More on family later!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Christmas
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I hope everyone's was wonderful! My family (Me, Sue, Ron, Mom, Dad, Martha, and Jackie the cat and Shirly) all went to Sue's. This was the first year when Mom and Dad haven't hosted, but they have no kitchen now, and Sue did a real fantastic job of providing us all with a homey Christmas. She had everything very nicely decorated and pretty. She had ham for dinner and everyone brought side dishes and desserts. We then exchanged a vast multitude of presents, talked, and watched the cat, who never did much, but we watched her anyway. (All except for Dad, who has absolutely no interest on watching a cat. Unless he is watching it walk away!)
Isn't family wonderful? I guess it's love that makes family. I'd say more, but everytime I try, I cry, and I don't think the keyboard is supposed to get wet...
Have you seen the show "Modern Family?" It's supposed to show how diverse modern families are. It ain't no contest, I guess, but we win hands down. They have gays and adopted a kid of a different nationality. Us, too, but we also have disability. I guess the truth about modern famillies is that they aren't created by bloodlines and legal documents, buy by love, And that sure does make for a happy Christmas!
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