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Minor bit of levity... I've be been having a rough time getting along with ANY of these illiterate, inconsiderate, ungracious, rude, self-absorbed JERKS that work here. (hard to believe that anyone as charming as me should have difficulty relating to anyone.). Anyway, it has been miserable.
Finally tonight this lady I get along with came to help me. She has a sense of humor, works hard, does her best for anyone she takes care of... A breath of fresh air. Her name is Dora.
Dora was in my room tonight and her cel phone rang. It played this odd tune with a guy who had a reedy cracky voice singing with a heavy country accent.
The lyrics he was singing were, "There may be bugs on most of you mugs, but there ain't no bugs on me."
Showing posts with label lyrics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lyrics. Show all posts
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
50th anniversary
In light of Mom's and Dad's upcoming 60th anniversary, I decided to re-run the poem I wrote for their 50th. We (Ed, Sue and I) - with David's support, dedication,creative input, labor, and supervision, rented the party room in a restaurant, invited over a hundred people, including all of our many out-of-town relatives and all the congregations of all of Dad's old churches (only 2 of which were actually close enough to draw many people), served food, had beautiful flower arrangements (made by Bonnie Hamilton, David's friend from Christ the Servant), and were entertained all through dinner by a professional string quartet. And under David's supervision, it was all very affordable for us, Anyway, at the end, we did a long program where we showed slides of their lives through the years while
Ed, Dayna, Sue, and I alternated reading aloud sections of the following poem. which I'd written for the occasion:
PLEASE REMEMBER, ALL THROUGH THIS WE ARE SHOWING SLIDES OF THE THINGS WE ARE TALKING ABOUT.
DEB
They were so different
In how they were reared,
You’d not expect marriage
That spans 50 years.
For him, northern cities
Were what he called home,
While she in the heart
Of the mountains was grown.
The one thing they shared
Was a hunger for knowledge,
So they both set their caps
To attend Union College.
And it was at school
That they met up one day.
Then in Dad’s senior year
They just both slipped away
Off to get married
At Cumberland Falls.
Then they went back to school
And told no one at all.
They returned to their dorms
With their own separate rooms
And never let on
That they were bride and groom.
Dad graduated.
Mother dropped out,
And they then, together,
Their lives set about.
Now let me just pause
For a moment or two,
For I have a question
I must pose to you.
What, do you think,
Would have been the reaction
If one of their kids
Did commit that infraction?
(Words had previously been distributed to all songs, so all could sing along. David provided accompaniment.)
TO: THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES THEME
Come and listen to my story ‘bout a man named Ed,
Poor college boy, Pennsylvania born and bred,
Then one day he was acting in a play,
Saw Mil there and she stole his heart away.
Next comes the story of a mountain lass.
One look at Ed and her heart beat rather fast.
Thought, “Kentucky boys now all seem rather lame!”
And from that moment on her whole life was not the same.
Next thing you know, young Edward took a bride.
Went for a time up to Boston to reside.
Said, “Virginia is the place we want to be,”
So they loaded up the Ford and the rest was history.
When it comes to kids,
Well, they had their share.
The first was a daughter
Who had no compare.
Look at that youngster!
She’s cute as can be!
And smart as a tack ,
As you plainly can see.
Oh yes, you can tell
That the first was the best.
And the next one, I fear,
Well, he’s sort of a mess.
ED
Hey, wait just a minute!
Now I’ll take the floor,
For next came a son
Whom they simply adored.
The boy was their favorite,
Of that there’s no doubt.
“He’s a fine fellow,”
Our parents would shout.
SUE
Now that’s quite enough!
And I sure don’t mean maybe!
Their favorite, of course,
Was their last darling baby.
She was adorable –
Cute as the dickens.
Beside her, the others
Seemed rather slim pickins.
TO: RAINDROPS KEEP FALLIN’ ON MY HEAD
My brother hit me in the head,
And that stupid jerk will very soon find out he’s dead.
I will have a fit.
That
Edward is going to bite the dust, he’s a goner.
Hey, he just changed off the TV from my show.
It’s my turn to pick the station, which I’m sure he knows!
Give me the remote!
Oh,
Edward’s a freckle faced freak-o, little monster!
Oh, aren’t kids fun?
A joy.
You think they will outgrow it, but you know it…
They never do.
They’re adults now but they don’t show it.
Still each one wants to be the best.
Each one still will put the others to the test
With sheer jealousy.
But
You’ll never stop them from their love of complaining.
No, not these three.
‘Cause they love it, you see.
ED
Dad’s been a preacher
For most all his life.
So Mom, all those years,
Had to be preacher’s wife.
Think of the pot lucks
And bake sales galore.
The picnics, the camp outs,
And, oh, so much more.
TO: THERE’S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS
There’s no business like church business, like no business we know.
Everything is done by a committee.
Even things like fixing up your house.
Therefore it would be an awful pity without a witty
And patient spouse.
There’s no preacher like Ed Taylor and
no spouse like his wife.
They go with the youth group to sleep in a tent.
And they have many hours spent
In attendance at each church group’s big event.
They’ve put on a good show!
SUE
Methodist preachers –
They go where they’re sent.
So we’ll show you some of
The places we went.
The very first places
I just can’t recall,
For I was an infant
Or not born at all.
The beach was the place
They gave birth to their boy.
And in Roanoke
To their pride and their joy.
Winchester next.
We all loved it a lot.
No better place
To raise kids could be sought.
And Mom learned to drive
While she lived there, and so
The kids then to scouts and
Piano could go.
Colonial Heights
Quickly proved to us that
It’s not the right city
For good democrats.
DEB
Charlottesville next,
That place was great.
And one year the family
Had two graduate.
For from UVA,
Much to Debbie’s surprise,
She got a diploma.
And, oh, how time flies,
Mom got her degree,
To her family’s loud cheers.
A project that took her
Just 29 years.
To Harrisonburg.
And then Falls Church lurked,
At this time all 3 kids
Found meaningful work.
Then off to Manassas –
And Ed 3’s ambition
Became to create a new
Family addition.
DAYNA
And so Dayna Taylor,
As here you can see,
Became a new branch
On the old family tree.
ED
Then to Roanoke
They quite gladly retired,
Where Dad took three churches
And Mom joined the choir.
DEB
And finally decided
It was in their wishes
To be near their girls,
Though I’m rather suspicious
That’s not the whole reason
They moved here at all,
Into a high-rise
Right at Tyson’s mall.
For Mom has become
A complete shopping nut,
And Dad seems to love it
With no grass to cut.
Whatever the reason
They moved in so near,
We both of us know that
We’re sure glad that they’re here.
TO: THE BEVERLY HILLBILLY’S THEME
Now the next thing you know they’re living everywhere.
Bishop says, “Ed, move away from there!”
Says, “I decided on the place you ought to be!”
So they loaded up their stuff and they moved the family.
The best part of moving,
We, all, of us found,
Is meeting nice people
As you move around.
And the folks sure enjoyed
All their family and friends,
The hours they shared, and
The good times they’d spend.
At magical moments
Distinctions would end
And friends became family
And family good friends.
Sitting and chatting
Or out in the sun.
When they got together
They always had fun.
And holidays, they
Were another fun time.
(Let’s wrap them up quickly,
And so end this rhyme.)
For these verses, see,
They could go without end,
‘Cause 50’s a long time
To cover, my friends.
At least 50 pictures
You’d be forced to see
Of us in our jammies
All under the tree.
And 50 more pictures
Of fine Easter clothes.
And then birthday pictures –
Now don’t forget those.
So let us just quit
And we’ll leave it right here.
And not show each occasion
The whole 50 years.
TO: WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS
We have got a lot of pictures,
We have got a lot of pictures,
We have got a lot of pictures
Of holiday cheer.
Of food and of gifts,
Of times that were fun.
We won’t show them all ‘cause we’d never get done.
So we’ve covered friends
And our different locations.
We’ve covered a lot
But we’ve not done vacations.
Our family went somewhere
Away every year.
We always found this
A time of good cheer.
Though have you ever noticed
The wild destinations
Our parents did choose
For their later vacations?
As children they took us
To mountains or beach –
Someplace quite fun
But within easy reach.
So we all grow up
And are no longer here,
And then Mom and Dad –
They shift into high gear.
Off to Korea,
Jerusalem, too.
A boat through Alaska
They decide then to do.
And so, with their luggage
Held tight in their grip,
They’re all the time off on
Another big trip.
But I’ve not been fair,
For they once took us all
Over to Britain,
And we had a ball
Until, I do fear,
On the very last day,
When off to the airport
We all drove away.
And friend Robin said,
With voice that was steady,
“Everyone got
Their passports all ready?”
Mom panicked, of course,
As she tore through her purse.
The rest of us sighed
As we silently cursed.
“Where can it be?”
She inquired of us,
As her frantic hands
Quite dismantled the bus.
The passport was found
In the first place she’d looked –
Safe and secure
In her own pocketbook.
With this ends the story
We’ll tell of their life.
One question remains, though,
Of this man and wife.
What is the magic
That, through all the years,
Has caused these two hearts
To together adhere?
How did they manage
When children threw scenes?
How did they make it
Through three surly teens?
Were there not times
When their money was low?
Times when their ducks
Were not quite in a row?
Yes, they were forced
To face troubles and such.
What keeps them together
Is loving so much.
They love each other
Through good times and bad.
They love each other
When sad, glad, or mad.
They love with a love
That on nothing depends.
They love without limits –
Their love has no end.
TO: BLOWIN’ IN THE WIND
How many years can a couple be wed
Because they desire to be?
Yes’n how many times can strong egos lose out?
They smooch and agree to agree.
Yes’n why do they cling to each other when they
Know that they could each be set free?
The answer, my friend,
Is love that has no end.
The answer is love that has no end.
W
Ed, Dayna, Sue, and I alternated reading aloud sections of the following poem. which I'd written for the occasion:
PLEASE REMEMBER, ALL THROUGH THIS WE ARE SHOWING SLIDES OF THE THINGS WE ARE TALKING ABOUT.
DEB
They were so different
In how they were reared,
You’d not expect marriage
That spans 50 years.
For him, northern cities
Were what he called home,
While she in the heart
Of the mountains was grown.
The one thing they shared
Was a hunger for knowledge,
So they both set their caps
To attend Union College.
And it was at school
That they met up one day.
Then in Dad’s senior year
They just both slipped away
Off to get married
At Cumberland Falls.
Then they went back to school
And told no one at all.
They returned to their dorms
With their own separate rooms
And never let on
That they were bride and groom.
Dad graduated.
Mother dropped out,
And they then, together,
Their lives set about.
Now let me just pause
For a moment or two,
For I have a question
I must pose to you.
What, do you think,
Would have been the reaction
If one of their kids
Did commit that infraction?
(Words had previously been distributed to all songs, so all could sing along. David provided accompaniment.)
TO: THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES THEME
Come and listen to my story ‘bout a man named Ed,
Poor college boy, Pennsylvania born and bred,
Then one day he was acting in a play,
Saw Mil there and she stole his heart away.
Next comes the story of a mountain lass.
One look at Ed and her heart beat rather fast.
Thought, “Kentucky boys now all seem rather lame!”
And from that moment on her whole life was not the same.
Next thing you know, young Edward took a bride.
Went for a time up to Boston to reside.
Said, “Virginia is the place we want to be,”
So they loaded up the Ford and the rest was history.
When it comes to kids,
Well, they had their share.
The first was a daughter
Who had no compare.
Look at that youngster!
She’s cute as can be!
And smart as a tack ,
As you plainly can see.
Oh yes, you can tell
That the first was the best.
And the next one, I fear,
Well, he’s sort of a mess.
ED
Hey, wait just a minute!
Now I’ll take the floor,
For next came a son
Whom they simply adored.
The boy was their favorite,
Of that there’s no doubt.
“He’s a fine fellow,”
Our parents would shout.
SUE
Now that’s quite enough!
And I sure don’t mean maybe!
Their favorite, of course,
Was their last darling baby.
She was adorable –
Cute as the dickens.
Beside her, the others
Seemed rather slim pickins.
TO: RAINDROPS KEEP FALLIN’ ON MY HEAD
My brother hit me in the head,
And that stupid jerk will very soon find out he’s dead.
I will have a fit.
That
Edward is going to bite the dust, he’s a goner.
Hey, he just changed off the TV from my show.
It’s my turn to pick the station, which I’m sure he knows!
Give me the remote!
Oh,
Edward’s a freckle faced freak-o, little monster!
Oh, aren’t kids fun?
A joy.
You think they will outgrow it, but you know it…
They never do.
They’re adults now but they don’t show it.
Still each one wants to be the best.
Each one still will put the others to the test
With sheer jealousy.
But
You’ll never stop them from their love of complaining.
No, not these three.
‘Cause they love it, you see.
ED
Dad’s been a preacher
For most all his life.
So Mom, all those years,
Had to be preacher’s wife.
Think of the pot lucks
And bake sales galore.
The picnics, the camp outs,
And, oh, so much more.
TO: THERE’S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS
There’s no business like church business, like no business we know.
Everything is done by a committee.
Even things like fixing up your house.
Therefore it would be an awful pity without a witty
And patient spouse.
There’s no preacher like Ed Taylor and
no spouse like his wife.
They go with the youth group to sleep in a tent.
And they have many hours spent
In attendance at each church group’s big event.
They’ve put on a good show!
SUE
Methodist preachers –
They go where they’re sent.
So we’ll show you some of
The places we went.
The very first places
I just can’t recall,
For I was an infant
Or not born at all.
The beach was the place
They gave birth to their boy.
And in Roanoke
To their pride and their joy.
Winchester next.
We all loved it a lot.
No better place
To raise kids could be sought.
And Mom learned to drive
While she lived there, and so
The kids then to scouts and
Piano could go.
Colonial Heights
Quickly proved to us that
It’s not the right city
For good democrats.
DEB
Charlottesville next,
That place was great.
And one year the family
Had two graduate.
For from UVA,
Much to Debbie’s surprise,
She got a diploma.
And, oh, how time flies,
Mom got her degree,
To her family’s loud cheers.
A project that took her
Just 29 years.
To Harrisonburg.
And then Falls Church lurked,
At this time all 3 kids
Found meaningful work.
Then off to Manassas –
And Ed 3’s ambition
Became to create a new
Family addition.
DAYNA
And so Dayna Taylor,
As here you can see,
Became a new branch
On the old family tree.
ED
Then to Roanoke
They quite gladly retired,
Where Dad took three churches
And Mom joined the choir.
DEB
And finally decided
It was in their wishes
To be near their girls,
Though I’m rather suspicious
That’s not the whole reason
They moved here at all,
Into a high-rise
Right at Tyson’s mall.
For Mom has become
A complete shopping nut,
And Dad seems to love it
With no grass to cut.
Whatever the reason
They moved in so near,
We both of us know that
We’re sure glad that they’re here.
TO: THE BEVERLY HILLBILLY’S THEME
Now the next thing you know they’re living everywhere.
Bishop says, “Ed, move away from there!”
Says, “I decided on the place you ought to be!”
So they loaded up their stuff and they moved the family.
The best part of moving,
We, all, of us found,
Is meeting nice people
As you move around.
And the folks sure enjoyed
All their family and friends,
The hours they shared, and
The good times they’d spend.
At magical moments
Distinctions would end
And friends became family
And family good friends.
Sitting and chatting
Or out in the sun.
When they got together
They always had fun.
And holidays, they
Were another fun time.
(Let’s wrap them up quickly,
And so end this rhyme.)
For these verses, see,
They could go without end,
‘Cause 50’s a long time
To cover, my friends.
At least 50 pictures
You’d be forced to see
Of us in our jammies
All under the tree.
And 50 more pictures
Of fine Easter clothes.
And then birthday pictures –
Now don’t forget those.
So let us just quit
And we’ll leave it right here.
And not show each occasion
The whole 50 years.
TO: WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS
We have got a lot of pictures,
We have got a lot of pictures,
We have got a lot of pictures
Of holiday cheer.
Of food and of gifts,
Of times that were fun.
We won’t show them all ‘cause we’d never get done.
So we’ve covered friends
And our different locations.
We’ve covered a lot
But we’ve not done vacations.
Our family went somewhere
Away every year.
We always found this
A time of good cheer.
Though have you ever noticed
The wild destinations
Our parents did choose
For their later vacations?
As children they took us
To mountains or beach –
Someplace quite fun
But within easy reach.
So we all grow up
And are no longer here,
And then Mom and Dad –
They shift into high gear.
Off to Korea,
Jerusalem, too.
A boat through Alaska
They decide then to do.
And so, with their luggage
Held tight in their grip,
They’re all the time off on
Another big trip.
But I’ve not been fair,
For they once took us all
Over to Britain,
And we had a ball
Until, I do fear,
On the very last day,
When off to the airport
We all drove away.
And friend Robin said,
With voice that was steady,
“Everyone got
Their passports all ready?”
Mom panicked, of course,
As she tore through her purse.
The rest of us sighed
As we silently cursed.
“Where can it be?”
She inquired of us,
As her frantic hands
Quite dismantled the bus.
The passport was found
In the first place she’d looked –
Safe and secure
In her own pocketbook.
With this ends the story
We’ll tell of their life.
One question remains, though,
Of this man and wife.
What is the magic
That, through all the years,
Has caused these two hearts
To together adhere?
How did they manage
When children threw scenes?
How did they make it
Through three surly teens?
Were there not times
When their money was low?
Times when their ducks
Were not quite in a row?
Yes, they were forced
To face troubles and such.
What keeps them together
Is loving so much.
They love each other
Through good times and bad.
They love each other
When sad, glad, or mad.
They love with a love
That on nothing depends.
They love without limits –
Their love has no end.
TO: BLOWIN’ IN THE WIND
How many years can a couple be wed
Because they desire to be?
Yes’n how many times can strong egos lose out?
They smooch and agree to agree.
Yes’n why do they cling to each other when they
Know that they could each be set free?
The answer, my friend,
Is love that has no end.
The answer is love that has no end.
W
Friday, March 11, 2011
Songs
Some of the church choir and the pastor are coming here Sunday night to see the place and I'm supposed to write a funny welcome song or poem to greet them with. Let's use this occasion to get some unsuitable one out of my system, as they seem to be the only ones that sprig to mind when I try to write:
TO: Holy, Holy, Holy
Holey, holey, holey,
My bras are holey.
I have moved them twice now.
They're ancient history.
I should buy some new ones,
Bras that fit me nicely.
I think I'll shop now - Sears and then Penny's.
OK, OK - this song should welcome people to my new home, and not dwell on the worrisome minutia of life.
TO: This is my Father's World
This is my tiny space.
I am glad to have you here.
Outside my room the traffic zooms, play music loudly to hear.
Please make yourself at home.
And find rest in my kind thoughts,
That'll have to do, so I'm warning you, one chair is all that I've got.
TO: Holy, Holy, Holy
Holey, holey, holey,
My bras are holey.
I have moved them twice now.
They're ancient history.
I should buy some new ones,
Bras that fit me nicely.
I think I'll shop now - Sears and then Penny's.
OK, OK - this song should welcome people to my new home, and not dwell on the worrisome minutia of life.
TO: This is my Father's World
This is my tiny space.
I am glad to have you here.
Outside my room the traffic zooms, play music loudly to hear.
Please make yourself at home.
And find rest in my kind thoughts,
That'll have to do, so I'm warning you, one chair is all that I've got.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
this is indeed a long card
This next poem was written to tease David, who did not feel at all that ours was the best bell choir in the land. The "MJ" mentioned was the Dulin clergyman at the time who once, when Lloyd was visiting me, came up quite politically and introduced himself to us, shaking our hands vigorously. I said, "I GO to this church." Actually, HECK, I used to live in the parsonage! "This is my friend, Lloyd." Once again he shook out hands vigorously, "GOOD," to Lloyd. "And next week you bring a friend, and the next week they bring a friend! And Lloyd and I are thinking, "Hey, man - we're just here with the band!"
TO: Walking in a Winter Wonderland
Handbells ring are you listnin'?
In the pews, eyes are glistenin',
A beautiful sound that echos around
'Cause we're the best bell choir in the land.
In the hallway we may meet a preacher.
A skinny dude who goes by MJ Kim.
He'll say, "Are you members?", we'll say, "Gee, sir
We are but it is sure no thanks to him!"
Later on we'll conspire
'omngst our tiny bell choir
To find a good time when bells we can shine.
We're the best bell choir in the land!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Even more Chrstmas carrd
Before I start, let me mention that I just saw a woman on TV who says that the world will end on May 21st. My birthday is May 24th. If you are planning on sending a card or anything, you might want to get it in the mail early... Just thought you'd want to know!
TO: O Little Town of Bethlehem
(NOTE: The Falls Church Police department used to drive Volvos. Really!)
O little town of Falls Church
How sleepily you lie.
In your small streets the Volvo cops
Keep out a watchful eye.
You like to think you're crimeless,
But on this very night
Around our 7-11 store
You will see quite a fright.
The bums who hang out there at Mings
Have started to push and shove.
A woman with a bloated face
Begs coins for a child she loves.
The hooker's inside flirting
With every man on earth.
And watch out for the cashier, he'll
Take you for what you're worth.
How silently, how silently
The bag of dope is giv'n
Across the ice cream freezer here
At our dear 7-11.
One wonders what will happen
In this small world of sin.
No telling 'cause the Volvo cops
Do not dare venture in.
TO: Come Thou Long Expected Jesus
Come, thou long expected pizza.
We called for you at quarter 'til three.
We've been waiting for over an hour.
Where, oh where, can that pizza be?
I am dying of starvation.
Haven't got the strength to fart.
I know a pizza will be my salvation
As soon as to eat I can start.
TO: O Little Town of Bethlehem
(NOTE: The Falls Church Police department used to drive Volvos. Really!)
O little town of Falls Church
How sleepily you lie.
In your small streets the Volvo cops
Keep out a watchful eye.
You like to think you're crimeless,
But on this very night
Around our 7-11 store
You will see quite a fright.
The bums who hang out there at Mings
Have started to push and shove.
A woman with a bloated face
Begs coins for a child she loves.
The hooker's inside flirting
With every man on earth.
And watch out for the cashier, he'll
Take you for what you're worth.
How silently, how silently
The bag of dope is giv'n
Across the ice cream freezer here
At our dear 7-11.
One wonders what will happen
In this small world of sin.
No telling 'cause the Volvo cops
Do not dare venture in.
TO: Come Thou Long Expected Jesus
Come, thou long expected pizza.
We called for you at quarter 'til three.
We've been waiting for over an hour.
Where, oh where, can that pizza be?
I am dying of starvation.
Haven't got the strength to fart.
I know a pizza will be my salvation
As soon as to eat I can start.
More Christmas card
TO: Let it Snow
Oh, the weather outside is frightful
'Cause the sun is so delightful
And to work I don't want to go!
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
Oh, I wanna stay home and watch movies.
That would sure be groovy.
But the wind doesn't even blow,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
Well, Bob Ryan said late last night
There was 10 percent chance of a storm.
And Bob Ryan is usually right.
So why the heck is it so warm?
Well. I guess the old bastard was lying.
God, I feel like crying.
This is three days of work in a row.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
This next song comes from the time period in which we converted the dining room of our 1 bedroom apartment into a 2nd bedroom. I slept in the dining room, adjacent to the kitchen.
TO: Away in a Manger
Away in the kitchen,
No place for her bed,
The poor Debbie Taylor
Lays down her sweet head.
The garbage disposal
Upstairs grinds away.
And our ice box engine
Keeps running til day.
I love this apartment,
But I'd like to lay
Where nocturnal hampsters
Don't bang as they play,
Where coffee ain't brewing
As dawn breaks the sky.
Oh maybe, oh maybe
I'll sleep by and by.
TO: Silver Bells
Tysons Corners, Seven Corners
Full of holiday sales.
Im the mall there's a feeling of Christmas.
Forty dollars, fifty dollars
Can these price tags be real?
So I look in my purse and find...
...silver coins, silver coins,
Goodness, but it is a pity.
Clink, clink, clank.
My piggy bank
Can afford no presents today.
Oh, the weather outside is frightful
'Cause the sun is so delightful
And to work I don't want to go!
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
Oh, I wanna stay home and watch movies.
That would sure be groovy.
But the wind doesn't even blow,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
Well, Bob Ryan said late last night
There was 10 percent chance of a storm.
And Bob Ryan is usually right.
So why the heck is it so warm?
Well. I guess the old bastard was lying.
God, I feel like crying.
This is three days of work in a row.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
This next song comes from the time period in which we converted the dining room of our 1 bedroom apartment into a 2nd bedroom. I slept in the dining room, adjacent to the kitchen.
TO: Away in a Manger
Away in the kitchen,
No place for her bed,
The poor Debbie Taylor
Lays down her sweet head.
The garbage disposal
Upstairs grinds away.
And our ice box engine
Keeps running til day.
I love this apartment,
But I'd like to lay
Where nocturnal hampsters
Don't bang as they play,
Where coffee ain't brewing
As dawn breaks the sky.
Oh maybe, oh maybe
I'll sleep by and by.
TO: Silver Bells
Tysons Corners, Seven Corners
Full of holiday sales.
Im the mall there's a feeling of Christmas.
Forty dollars, fifty dollars
Can these price tags be real?
So I look in my purse and find...
...silver coins, silver coins,
Goodness, but it is a pity.
Clink, clink, clank.
My piggy bank
Can afford no presents today.
Friday, December 31, 2010
card pt. 1
Many, many years ago I wrote a Christmas card which featured different poems to be sung to the tunes of different carols. Because they bring back memories of that relatively carefree time back to life, here they are again. They were accompanied by my primative drawings of Christmas scenes, all of which we faithfully colored by hand. (We drank a bit back then!) One of the songs I shared with you on 12/7. Here are more:
This carol is funny. I was thinking I'd already put it in the blog, but I can't find it, and I like it too much to take a chance on missing it.
This was back in the late '80's, before I was visibly disabled. I volunteered as what was called an "AIDS buddy" through the Whitman Walker clinic. Basically, I just provided friendship and whatever practical assistance I could to someone who was dying of AIDS - which, remember, is what eventually happened back then to anyone who was HIV+ back then. It was a horrible time.
My buddy - the only one I ever had - was Bob Edwards, a real flamer. He had these two horrible nasty little dogs that he loved dearly. These creepy, dirty, smelly. incontinent little beasts were probably 900 years old in dog years. With their arthritic little bodies, they moved at a snails pace.
So who got to walk them? Me.
And what happened? A creepy fat man ran up to us and pulled off his raincoat. Under the coat he was naked. He then chased me and the very slow dogs slowly up the street.
Thus, this carol
TO: Jingle Bells
Dashing toward the door
While the doggies lag and play.
O'er the field I run,
Freaked out all the way.
Obscene cat calls ring,
Giving me a fright.
Why did that fat naked man take his clothes off in my sight?
Oh-h-h-h-h-h-h
Dangling balls, dangling balls,
Dangling all the way.
Why did that damned fat man have to pick on me to day-aye.
Dangling balls, dangling balls,
Dangling all the way.
Why did that damned fat man have to pick on me to day
:
This carol is funny. I was thinking I'd already put it in the blog, but I can't find it, and I like it too much to take a chance on missing it.
This was back in the late '80's, before I was visibly disabled. I volunteered as what was called an "AIDS buddy" through the Whitman Walker clinic. Basically, I just provided friendship and whatever practical assistance I could to someone who was dying of AIDS - which, remember, is what eventually happened back then to anyone who was HIV+ back then. It was a horrible time.
My buddy - the only one I ever had - was Bob Edwards, a real flamer. He had these two horrible nasty little dogs that he loved dearly. These creepy, dirty, smelly. incontinent little beasts were probably 900 years old in dog years. With their arthritic little bodies, they moved at a snails pace.
So who got to walk them? Me.
And what happened? A creepy fat man ran up to us and pulled off his raincoat. Under the coat he was naked. He then chased me and the very slow dogs slowly up the street.
Thus, this carol
TO: Jingle Bells
Dashing toward the door
While the doggies lag and play.
O'er the field I run,
Freaked out all the way.
Obscene cat calls ring,
Giving me a fright.
Why did that fat naked man take his clothes off in my sight?
Oh-h-h-h-h-h-h
Dangling balls, dangling balls,
Dangling all the way.
Why did that damned fat man have to pick on me to day-aye.
Dangling balls, dangling balls,
Dangling all the way.
Why did that damned fat man have to pick on me to day
:
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Joy
TO: Joy to the World
Joy to the world,
It is Friday.
The maids will clean my room!
They’ll vacuum and they’ll sweep the floor.
They’ll shine the sink, but then there’s more!
They’ll take the trash ah-ah-way.
They’ll take the trash ah-ah-way.
They’ll ta-ke, they’ll ta-a-ake the trash a way!
Joy to the world,
It is Friday.
The maids will clean my room!
They’ll vacuum and they’ll sweep the floor.
They’ll shine the sink, but then there’s more!
They’ll take the trash ah-ah-way.
They’ll take the trash ah-ah-way.
They’ll ta-ke, they’ll ta-a-ake the trash a way!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
WINTER WONDERLAND
TO: WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND
Pagers ring. Aides don’t listen.
Rings might bring new petitions.
Please don’t put aides through
A job they must do.
Just sit in your chair and be real bland.
I get up every day-ay.
And I scurry a way-ay.
Don’t care where I go
So long as I know
Surly aides aren’t going to be at hand.
Close to two AM I hear them chatter.
Right outside my door, they shout to friends.
To complain would only make them madder.
Besides, by four o’clock the chatter ends!
I arise fairly early
And I leave in a hurry.
I wonder which way I’m going today…
When I get there, then I’ll understand!
Monday, December 20, 2010
Jingle Bells
TO: JINGLE BELLS
Racing through the door.
You’d best get out the way.
Got no place to go
But I’m going anyway.
Cold don’t hinder me.
I shiver but still roam,
I’ve just got to get away
From this damned old folks home.
OH
Off to shop, to museums, maybe try a play.
If I catch a movie it will while the time away – ay.
Go drink suds at a bar, hoping time will pass.
Maybe I'll go crazy and I'll take a Spanish class!
Racing through the door.
You’d best get out the way.
Got no place to go
But I’m going anyway.
Cold don’t hinder me.
I shiver but still roam,
I’ve just got to get away
From this damned old folks home.
OH
Off to shop, to museums, maybe try a play.
If I catch a movie it will while the time away – ay.
Go drink suds at a bar, hoping time will pass.
Maybe I'll go crazy and I'll take a Spanish class!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
12 Days of Christmas
This is an attempt at humor. Any resemblance to an actual meal, living or dead, is pure coincidence!
SUNG TO: The Twelve Days of Christmas
The first day of Christmas the kitchen gave to me
A mushy meat lump with gravy.
On the second day of Christmas, they tried variety,
Calling them ribs,
They baked sauce on bare bones to serve me.
On the third day of Christmas, the chef baked up poultry,
Wee tiny hens,
Overcooked squash,
Tooth breaking bread,
And a fine tasting cup of coffee.
On the fourth day of Christmas, this lunch was served to me:
Quite smelly fish,
Soup that congealed,
Limp lettuce leaves.
And a spoonfull of languid green peas.
On the fifth day of Christmas, the kitchen serves to me
Five Harvard beets!
Four big lumps of meat,
Potatoes,
Two small greyish mounds,
And it’s all covered in a gravy.
SUNG TO: The Twelve Days of Christmas
The first day of Christmas the kitchen gave to me
A mushy meat lump with gravy.
On the second day of Christmas, they tried variety,
Calling them ribs,
They baked sauce on bare bones to serve me.
On the third day of Christmas, the chef baked up poultry,
Wee tiny hens,
Overcooked squash,
Tooth breaking bread,
And a fine tasting cup of coffee.
On the fourth day of Christmas, this lunch was served to me:
Quite smelly fish,
Soup that congealed,
Limp lettuce leaves.
And a spoonfull of languid green peas.
On the fifth day of Christmas, the kitchen serves to me
Five Harvard beets!
Four big lumps of meat,
Potatoes,
Two small greyish mounds,
And it’s all covered in a gravy.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Christmas trees yet again
The biggest problem with living in an apartment and having a live Christmas tree is, "What do I do with the tree when Christmas is over?" Generally, we de-decorated (undecorated?) it on New Years day, but then we had a big empty pine tree carcass and we didn't know what to do with it. So we put it on the balcony and ignored it.
One year, when it was still on the balcony in February, David jokingly suggested that we throw it off the balcony to the balcony below. "We can't do that," I replied in mock horror. "That little lady who hosts the Bible study group lives downstairs!"
Susan Craft was there, and said, "No problem. Set it on fire first. They'll just think it's the burning bush!"
Ha, ha!
The situation led me to write the following Christmas carol for our homemade Christmas card. The carol is sung to the tune of "O Christmas Tree".
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
Your branches green delight us.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
Your branches green delight us.
If only you just wouldn't stay
Out on the balcony 'til May.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
Your branches green delight us.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
In March you are a problem.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
In March you are a problem.
So David says, "Why don't you throw
It to the balcony below?"
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
In March you are a problem.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
By April you're a danger.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
By April you're a danger.
"Set it ablaze,* says Susan Craft,
"And soon there will be nothing left."
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
By April you're a danger.
Oh Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
By May we want our balcony.
Oh Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
By May we want our balcony.
So Susan shoves you in a bag
Which to the trash room she then drags,
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
That really was quite easy.
The good news is that we happened to think of actually throwing it away before we resorted to trying one of my more brilliant ideas, which was to cut each branch into tiny pieces and grind it in the garbage disposal. Had we done that, I'd probably still be grinding.
One year, when it was still on the balcony in February, David jokingly suggested that we throw it off the balcony to the balcony below. "We can't do that," I replied in mock horror. "That little lady who hosts the Bible study group lives downstairs!"
Susan Craft was there, and said, "No problem. Set it on fire first. They'll just think it's the burning bush!"
Ha, ha!
The situation led me to write the following Christmas carol for our homemade Christmas card. The carol is sung to the tune of "O Christmas Tree".
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
Your branches green delight us.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
Your branches green delight us.
If only you just wouldn't stay
Out on the balcony 'til May.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
Your branches green delight us.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
In March you are a problem.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
In March you are a problem.
So David says, "Why don't you throw
It to the balcony below?"
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
In March you are a problem.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
By April you're a danger.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
By April you're a danger.
"Set it ablaze,* says Susan Craft,
"And soon there will be nothing left."
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
By April you're a danger.
Oh Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
By May we want our balcony.
Oh Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
By May we want our balcony.
So Susan shoves you in a bag
Which to the trash room she then drags,
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
That really was quite easy.
The good news is that we happened to think of actually throwing it away before we resorted to trying one of my more brilliant ideas, which was to cut each branch into tiny pieces and grind it in the garbage disposal. Had we done that, I'd probably still be grinding.
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