Old Folks Home

1.
OVERHEARD BREAKFAST CONVERSATION
CARETAKER (to resident): Here are your pancakes.
RESIDENT: How many pancakes?
CARETAKER: One. Just like always.
RESIDENT: I only want half a pancake!
CARETAKER: So just eat half of it.
RESIDENT: And waste the other half?! I'm not going to do that. Take it away and bring me back half a pancake!

2.
We have a big old lazy dog named Thompson that just sleeps all the time. Rumor has it that he was originally trained to be a seeing eye dog, but flunked his test because he's scared of cars.

The concierge from the front desk got on the elevator. Thompson got on with her. This is something the dog does habitually. He's commonly found on all three floors.

"So?" the concierge asked him. "You going up or down?"

3.
My regularly scheduled appointment with therapist was this afternoon. So that's a good thing, right? Especially since I've been in this institution all day. Right?

I have this little wooden Christmas tree that has all these tiny wooden ornaments on it. I got it at the Kennedy Center gift shop. It took me a while to get it put together, but it's cute and special and I smile every time I look at it.

So Lenee comes in and says, "That's nice, but it looks like it should revolve."

She picks it up to look at the base, and ornaments fly everywhere.

Oh, well... She pretty much re-assembled it. Maybe the maids will find that last ornament while vacuuming!

Happy Thanksgiving! We (Mom, Dad, Sue, Ron, Ed, Dayna, Charlotte, Lulu, Martha) all ate at the Hermitage for Thanksgiving dinner. The food was very good and the service was excellent.

Afterward, some of us went up to the penthouse, which was unoccupied, and let Charlotte and Lu run just as hard and fast as they could up and down the room. That was probably an excellent idea!

Then, (I guess just for everyone's general entertainment), Susan took it upon herself to repeat the story of my disastrous entrance into a Thai restaurant last New Year's Eve. Last New Years Eve I met Sue and Ron and a friend of Ron's at a local Thai restaurant for dinner. It was cold out. I was dressed in many more layers than I was accustomed to. I wet in the restaurant to find may group already seated at a table already neatly made with plates, silver, linens, filled water glasses, and various other beverages.

Immediately after greeting everyone, my glove got caught on the "GO" lever of the scooter.

Much to mine and everyone else's amazement, I came sailing into the room at breakneck speed and completely out of control. I plowed into the table where all were waiting, pushing the table into the opposite wall. Glasses, beverages, silverware, linens, etc., flew everywhere. Thai waiters ran madly about the room.

So now, why, pray tell, would that seem to anyone like a proper story to tell after Thanksgiving dinner?

Liebowiitz

There was an excellent Scorsese documentary about Fran Lebowitz on HBO the other night. Lebowitz, if you aren't familiar, is a very witty, sardonic, intellegent essayist, reminiscent of Dorothy Parker. She's got a new book out titled "Public Speaking".

I saw the documnentary and it was fantastic. She validates the truth of something the Sunday School leader mentioned last week, which was that, in this society, we are visually oriented, and receive information through images, and not through the written word. Her writing is very humerous and witty, but it seems to me that people these days haven't developed the patience to enjoy what could be a very pleasurable experidnce if they took the time required to read it.

And now for my personal confession......

My friend Susan Craft called to tell me the show exsisted and when it would be on TV. I said, "Gee, but that's when "Hawaii Five O is o." she said, "Hmmm... Fran Liebowitz or Hawaii Five O... What was it that Rudolfo used to say..? (Rudolfo is her brillant deceased husbansd.) Oh yes! 'Nobody ever lost money underestimating the intlellegence of the American public."

Due Date

I got up Monday morning and went to the movies at 10:15 AM - an odd thing to do, but totally enjoyable. As I told the Metro Access driver - "well, hell, why not?" He agreed, although somewhat jealously.

I saw "Due Date". It was HYSTERICAL! I was all by myself in an almost empty theater, and laughed out loud all through it. If you remember from my "Iron Man2" post, I think Robert Downy Jr. is incredibly hot, so that made the movie even more fun. It is totally stupid slapstick juvenile jokes type comedy. For example, a total doofus type guy is carrying around his father's ashes in a coffee can, SO, OF COURSE, they end up making coffee out of the father and drinking him. (Seems like there ought to be some klnd of theological point to drinking the body of the father??? But I guess sometimes a snake is just a snake.)

Seals

Went to church and Sunday School today - who would have thunk... In Sunday School, they are studying the book of Revelation. I guess I'd better read Revelation... I've probably read all of the rest of the New Testament I've read it in a piecemeal manner, but I've read it. Mom, who is the ultimate church lady, told me that, if I ever read the Bible, I sould skip Revelation, because it would confuse and scare me. So far, her warning would probably bode true... except....

....except that the teacher was talking about a document that bore seven seals, and he explained that the book didn't mean aquatic seals,
but seals that seal things, and I got tickled.

More later...

Metro Access

I spent about over 6 hours in a Metro Access van yesterday, 4 of them with the same driver! She was totally worthless! Part of the disaster was the fault of the dispatchers. They scheduled an absurd number of passengers, all of whom were going to widely divergent locations. At one point we went past my exit on 66, only to get to Ballston and turn around and go back west on 66 AND PASS IT AGAIN!

Meanwhile the driver was so addle brained that it's an absolute wonder that she managed to drive. Each new passenger took absolutely forever to load. True, one has to tie down all the mobility devices, but it's like she had to make up from scratch how to do it each time.

She was lost all the time, too, because following the GPS seemed to "cramp her style". The GPS would say. "Turn left 500 years." So she would turn left immediately, or she'd get in the far right lane or she'd obliviously go on straight. She'd do anything but go left in 500 yards

I didn't say a word. I just sat there like a quiet little mouse.
I've learned the hard way that, if you say anything at all, it just rattles them more and takes them longer.

It took 2 hours to get to Reston, 2 hours back. In real life it's just a half hour trip.

Oh, well. I just sat back and enjoyed the ride and watched the leaves change.

My trip last night was fine, though. I went to Clarendon and back, and I got two normal drivers.

Clarendon is really neat. It's like a well lit city area that's bustling even at night. Spanish class was much better than the last one - better organized. It's just me and one other student, and we meet in a Barnes and Noble Cafe.

Spanish

I have a busy day coming up, so I decided to write this post first thing in the morning.
This morning I'm going to church to assemble bulletins, (no big deal. except that I see in my email that a church friend wants to meet me there and go to lunch... cool!). Tonight, though, is my first of my new Spanish classes with "Spanish Blackbelt". (Doesn't that name just crack you up?) It should be exciting - at least it's something new to do! It's in Clarendon, and that's a new stomping ground for me. And the "Spanish Blackbelt" company sent me a picture of the instructor

and... well, lets just say it increases my interest in the class.

Civil War

I saw the second part of the Civil War exhibit at the National Archives today. They have the actual Emancipation Proclamation. The cool thing about the Archives is that they have lots of multi-media interactive displays. For that reason, I recommend that you go on a day when it isn't particulsrly crowded. It wasn't crowded today and I could roll around and do everthing at my leisure. The exhibit closes 4/17, and if you live here, it is certainly worth seeing. This is Part 2 of a two part series, mind you. The first part, which I also saw, was "Beginnings". As you will see if you follow the link, my reaction to that exhibit was disappointment that it consisted mostly of documents, and I guess that was probably my reaction to Part II. "Imagine!" (read this understanding that I say it with a voice that drips with sarcasm.) "The Archives has mostly documents!"

Christmas shopping

I had a kinda nice exciting Christmas shopping experience last Saturday. Strathmore is a big music center up in Maryland. It right next to to the old Strathmore mansion. Once a year in Oct., the Smithsonian museum's gift shops take over the mansion and a each shop sells it's own wares. It is incredibly crowded, but I didn't run over anyone. (Or at least not to my knowledge!) What a great way to start shopping!

I got mainly for Ed (brother), Dayna (sister-in-law) and my two nieces (6 years and 8years) because, if possible. I want to get their stuff before Thanksgiving, so they carry it back with them. DON'T TELL THEM, but I got Lu a fuzzy fools cap like this with a bell on each tassle. I also got her a soft, felt overnight bag shaped like a dragon. It has dangling legs and feet. I got Charlottte a cool felt hat in the shape of a shark. His wide open mouth is where the wearer puts his head, so it looks like a shark is taking a bite out or the person's head. I also got Charlotte a really neat looking magician set that has lots of magic tricks. I got Ed and Dayna some ornaments.

I just got Mom and me accessible tickets to Oklahoma. It's at the Arena Stage.

Words of wisdom

As Andy Warhol said, why be sad if you can be happy?

As my friend Robin says, why eat soup if you can eat pizza?



I went to my shrink today and got my prescription refilled and then rolled on down to Mad Fox Brewing Company and had some beer. They brew their own beer. The following quotes are about the beers I tried and are from their menu. "Porter: An English style robust Porter brewed with imported pale, crystal, black and chocolate malts to lend the dark color with ruby highlights and dark malt flavors. This is a beer supposedly created in London in the early 18th Century to slake the thirst of the Market Porters, men who carried all the produce at markets throughout the city. The hops used are English varietals like Challenger for bitterness and a good amount of First Gold to balance all the malt notes." and "Wee Heavy Ale: A Strong Scotch Ale. This is a very full-bodied, dark rich brew with a sweet malt character of much depth possessing the flavors of toffee, plums and currants. The hop varietal used in such small amount is English First Gold and can be barely discerned. The target gravity for this brew is 20 degrees Plato and hop bitterness of just 14 International Bittering Units, which is a measure of hop content." They are very serious about beer there, and brew their own. Porter was nothing special, but Wee Heavy was to die for.

Then I got a personal size pizza. They cook everything from scratch, meaning even the pizza dough was rolled in the kitchen. From their menu, "Mad Fox features fresh seasonal and local ingredients with a chef-driven menu that features pizza, panini, salads, meats and vegetarian friendly foods. Our chef works with local farmers to procure seasonal produce and locally raised lamb, bison, beef, chicken and game. The chef also features locally produced cheese, charcuterie, bacon and Virginia Country Ham." It was really good. I give it ****. (That doesn't stand for a cuss word. It means 4 stars.

Then I had an appointment with my therapist.
Do you think it's possible that I'm a wee bit self indulgent

So, anyway, I feel better than I did yesterday.

And the beat goes on...

OK. I admit it. I'm a weak, rotten selfish person. Since I'm conpletely depressed, here are some "nothing matters" thoughts.

1. Quitters never win. Winners never quit. Those who never win but refuse to quit trying are idiots.
2. Hope lays the groundwork for torment.
3. If everything seems to be going well, you've apparently overlooked something.
4. It may be that one's sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
5. The harder I try, the dumber I look.
6. Some people are alive because it is illegal to kill them.
7. Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
8. Behind every good man is a bad man who takes all the credit.
9. Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
10. Never put off til tomorrow what you can put off forever.

Interesting

Interesting Metro Access ride home from Reston the other day. The driver diverted off the toll road onto Rt. 7 in Mclean near Tysons to pick up another passenger. There were three interesting events associated with this side trip:

1) You may not find this interesting at all. It may be that everyone else in the world knows this but me, but I was fascinated. Did you know that they carry new cars to dealerships inside 18 wheeler trucks? I thought new cars were shipped on those open car carrier trucks,
but it seems they actually have big 18 wheelers that have the car carrying ramps and stuff inside the closed van of the truck.

2) We picked up a very nice "little person" from her job at a Tysons mortgage office AND TOOK HER TO HER SECOND JOB, which is caring for an elderly man. She seemed in good health, but she had lots of problems getting around due to her size. It served as a reminder to me that I shouldn't just sit back and accept all this disability crap, but should go out and find things I CAN do. Because there really are things I can do.... (Except run elections.... because, despite having successfully run every election in the City of Falls Church from 1985 to 2008, that is apparently something I'm not capable of doing from a wheelchair. It would embarrass the Electoral Board! (Not that I'm bitter............)

3) The second job for this lady was in a gated community, right there in McLean. Probably there are lots of gated communities in the world, but I've never been in one before. There was a gate with a guard that one had to drive through, and the guard checked off our passenger on his list. The houses and townhouses and condo buildings were all real hoity-toity looking.

Hair

I saw Hair, and I loved it. (No, the above picture does not have anything to do with "Hair", but I was in a psychedelic mood. Thought I'd revel in some mushroom dreams for awhile.) I sprang some extra bucks to sit in the orchestra. and I'm so glad I did, because all through the show, the hippies meandered through the audience, striking poses and dancing and protesting and passing out leaflets and flowers. It was fun.

What must it have been like to see it back in 1967, when, rather than seeing a historical recreation of a traumatic time, you were actually living in that time? I remember Mom and Dad were in NYC for some kind of Methodist preacher class that year, and got to go see "Hair" in its original first run on Broadway. They went with Al and Lois Stables.

Al Stables was a Methodist preacher, and our family hung out with the Stables family all throughout my childhood. We took many vacations together. I don't remember us ever living in the same town as the Stables, though. They had three boys who were roughly the same ages as us. I'll tell you more about the Stables family in another post. One finds many strange characters among Methodist clergy families!

Back to mushrooms - they were groovy. About 20 years ago, some comrades and I sucked on psycadelic 'shrooms and watched MTV all weekend. Actually, that was back when MTV was new, so maybe it was 30 years ago? Anyway, we'd been inside all weekend, so we decided to take a "field trip". There was an empty field next door, so we all went and sat in it for about 15 minutes and felt we'd accomplished something.

Oh yes, I remember it well.......

Back to Hair - It was groovy.

Lyrics | Hair Cast - Where Do I Go lyrics

Rhymes at last

I haven't rhymed in a while - used to be that I wrote rhymes galore, but no one needs them now, so I don't. I guess I need to work more of them into the blog...?

Anyway, Mom's and Dad's old folk's home has a poetry group that puts out a book of rhymes. Here are some of my favorites.

Mary had a little lamb.
It's fleece was white as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went
That lamb was sure to go

One day it followed her to school.
The children were agog.
Lambs are not allowed, as a rule.
So why didn't she just get a dog?
ISABEL STEINER

Jack Sprat could eat no fat.
His wife could eat no lean.
The doctor said, "Mrs Sprat,
YOU HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR CUISINE!
JOYCE GLOCKLER

Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep
Along with her keys and her purse.
It could be worse- -
She could have had a flat tire.
THE POETRY GROUP

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet.
It wasn't the day for curds and whey,
So she jolly well ate as she pleased.
LINDA BURGETT


OK - I'll start rhyming again. Used to be that I sold rhymes on a web page. I actually made a tiny bit of money that way. It's easier to write rhymes if there is some reason they are needed. Maybe I'll try a web page again....?

Don't worry, be happy

COOL!!! I needed something different to do on Sunday, so I called the Kennedy Center and got a wheelchair accessible matinee ticket to Hair. I'm totally psyched!! I've wanted to see this since I was 12!

But I digress... What I intended to talk about in this post is this really groovy (excuse me while I shake off the 60's vibes) old lady that has moved in. She is the mother-in-law of Liz Shawen.

Liz was City of Falls Church City Clerk for about 10 years (or longer) while I was City Registrar. We did not really work together much. She ran City Council and I ran elections. But our jobs held a very similar position in the overall "scheme of things". As a matter of fact, until the late 1960's, both of our jobs were merged into one position. Then the General Assembly created and mandated the position of General Registrar.

Anyway, Mrs. Shawen moved in here and she is a really neat lady. She's smart and funny and just enjoys everything just as much as she can. Back when it was warmer you'd find her out on the porch every day. I'd join her fairly often, and she'd say, "I don't understand! We have this beautiful big front porch and all these nice rocking chairs, and nobody ever comes out but you and me and Fred!" I usually had something with me to read, and she'd say, "Don't let me disturb you, now. You go ahead and read, and I'm just going to sit here and be quiet." But I think that the truth is that she didn't want me to disturb her, because she just loves sitting there quietly watching the traffic, and especially the big trucks, go by. She enjoys seeing the scenes painted on the sides of the big trucks.

She's so enthusiastic about anything she likes that it just makes me happy. For instance, I've started going up to breakfast on time, which I never used to do, because she enjoys her Cheerios so much.

Hard to believe she's 93. She, I guess, is a perfect example of the line I saw the other day in the book "Cats, Cats, Cats" by Andy Warhol, which was, "Why be sad if you can be happy?".

Spanish Now? Only if you're real lucky!

On Tuesday afternoon, I, once again, took the whole afternoon getting to Old Town and then hanging around there, waiting for Spanish class, which starts at 6:30. About 7PM I check my phone messages. Once again, my "Spanish Now" class has been cancelled, and "please call them tomorrow to arrange for a make-up."

So call them I did. I told the woman that this had happened 4 times now, and that I just wanted to quit and get my money back. After some interim denials and discussions, she said today that she would mail a check.

Which leaves me sort of bummed out. (Yo soy mal). I wanted to take Spanish, or else I wouldn't have signed up. They have all sorts of "teach yourself" classes online, but part of the purpose of this is to get out, so taking a class online is rather self-defeating.

SELF DEFEATING


So, I went back online and found and signed up for something called "Spanish Blackbelt". I guess I'll either learn Spanish or how to karate chop wayward Hispanics.

Who knew?

Why do you think I even need a lava lamp? Did you know that, if you drop them sideways and they don't break, the sediment inside them does not mix up in interesting combinations, but just lays in big colored clumps.

Perhaps I should read a book.

Who knew?

It is CTS's 25th anniversary. They are celebrating big time. (At least they have a punchbowl! I'm not participating This is David's church, and I just "came with the band".

I remember the first time we went to CTS to check it out. It was in January, 1992. David had resigned at Dulin several weeks before (months?), and then he told me he wanted to go check out this church his friend and fellow teacher, Gloria Rossbach, had told him about. Her husband was resigning as musician, and she wondered if Davie might want the job,

We went anonymously and sat on the metaphorical "back row". I, myself, was quite unimpressed by what I saw. David knew right away, though, that CTS was where he needed to be.

Ron, at the church's request, went through David's hard drive and pulled out all the church pictures. He made a CD for them. That was really nice of him. There were thousands of pictures through the years. It was possible to watch kids grow from babies to adults! I guess they probably showed a few of the pictures at the anniversary party. Here are some of them.