Christmas trees yet again

The biggest problem with living in an apartment and having a live Christmas tree is, "What do I do with the tree when Christmas is over?" Generally, we de-decorated (undecorated?) it on New Years day, but then we had a big empty pine tree carcass and we didn't know what to do with it. So we put it on the balcony and ignored it.

One year, when it was still on the balcony in February, David jokingly suggested that we throw it off the balcony to the balcony below. "We can't do that," I replied in mock horror. "That little lady who hosts the Bible study group lives downstairs!"

Susan Craft was there, and said, "No problem. Set it on fire first. They'll just think it's the burning bush!"

Ha, ha!

The situation led me to write the following Christmas carol for our homemade Christmas card. The carol is sung to the tune of "O Christmas Tree".

Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
Your branches green delight us.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
Your branches green delight us.
If only you just wouldn't stay
Out on the balcony 'til May.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
Your branches green delight us.

Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
In March you are a problem.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
In March you are a problem.
So David says, "Why don't you throw
It to the balcony below?"
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
In March you are a problem.

Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
By April you're a danger.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
By April you're a danger.
"Set it ablaze,* says Susan Craft,
"And soon there will be nothing left."
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
By April you're a danger.

Oh Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
By May we want our balcony.
Oh Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
By May we want our balcony.
So Susan shoves you in a bag
Which to the trash room she then drags,
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
That really was quite easy.


The good news is that we happened to think of actually throwing it away before we resorted to trying one of my more brilliant ideas, which was to cut each branch into tiny pieces and grind it in the garbage disposal. Had we done that, I'd probably still be grinding.

Christmas card

Back in the good old days, I used to write my own Christmas Cards for Sue (my sister) and me to send. I would do this by writing poems that related to our lives and setting them to the tune of carols. I’ve decided to share come with you because Lloyd suggested it. I wrote these in the early ‘90’s

This one refers to the fact that our defunct Christmas tree carcass often sat on our balcony until May before we’d dispose of it.
TO “O Christmas Tree”

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
Your branches green delight us.
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
Your branches green delight us.
If only you just wouldn’t stay
Out on our balcony ‘til May.
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
Your branches green delight us.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
In March you are a problem.
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
In March you are a problem.
So David says, “Why can’t you throw
It to the balcony below?”
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
In March you are a problem.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
By April you’re a danger!
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
By April you’re a danger!
“Set it ablaze,” said Susan Craft,
“And soon there will be nothing left!”
SIDE NOTE: SUSAN CRAFT DID SUGGET THAT WE SET IT ABLAZE AND DROP IT OVER THE BALONY, TO WHICH I REPLIED, “WE CAN’T. THAT LITTLE LADY WHO HAS BIBLE STUDY GROUPS ALL THE TIME LIVES DOWN THERE” TO WHICH SHE REPLIED, “THEY’LL JUST THINK IT’S THE BURNING BUSH !”
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
By April you’re a danger!

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
In May we want our balcony.
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
In May we want our balcony.
So Susan shoves you in a bag
Which to the trash room she then drags.
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
In May we want our balcony.

Halloween

So which is scarier? Is it the ghosts and ghouls of Halloween? Or is it the fact that the Republicans may retake the House on Tuesday? I think the later.
Halloween used to be a night for costumed drunken debauchery. It was great. Sue2 (I call her Sue 2 because I've always added her to my conversation as sort of an afterthought, like, "Oh yeah. And Sue, too.") So she started signing her name as "Sue2". Anyway, Sue2 and Susan Craft and I would go out "Trick or Drinking" every Halloween. We always chose a theme and then made costumes for the theme. David always created my my costume and fixed my makeup. I had some real kickass costumes. One year we were bugs, and he made me into a really pretty butterfly. We were at Dulin and had choir practice on Halloween night, and he let me wear my butterfly costume. Here we were as Wizard of Oz characters.
One year we dressed as witches. We had an especially debaucherous celebration that year and ended up at a bar. As we walked home, Susan Craft started sweeping both the sidewalk and unlucky pedestrians with her broom. She spent the night at our place, and left sometime before we got up. Sue headed down the long hallway staircase to go to work the next morning and found Susan's witch's hat abandoned on the stairs. She brought it back in to me, saying, "I think she melted."

Picnic

I had a great time yesterday evening. Susan Craft invited me over for dinner, and she cooked steaks out on the grill. Her wonderful 13 year old son Alex was there, as was Alex's friend Angel, as was Susan's signifigant other.

Susan is one of my oldest friends (actually, one of the friends I've known the longest, not the one that is the most elderly. I actually think she is quite young, meaning "the same age as me!") We first met in 1977, when she became one of my roommates in what shall forever be known as "the apartment from Hell". We were 19 years old and 2nd year in college, and we've been close friends, on and off, ever since.

Isn't it weird to think that we could bond together in friendship so many years ago and live lives that took totally different paths and still be so close that I can anticipate what she's going to do in most situations?

We graduated from Virginia in the class of '79. The only three people I know from that class are Katie Couric, who is a respected newscaster, Susan, who is a stoner, me, a ne'er-do-well individualist, and Barbara Fielding, a hard working wife, mother, and church lady.

I didn't know any of them in school but Susan. I know about Barbara because a tenor said in choir one night, "My wife was in Katie Couric's college graduating class." and I said. "WOW. So was I!"

I used to resent Katie Couric. I said, "Why does she get the great job and get to be so famous? I have the same credentials she does!" Then I read her resume in a magazine and found out that she worked real hard in college. She was in tons of organizations, and even worked on the Cavalier Daily. She might even have lived on the Lawn.

I, on the other hand fully renjoyed such tradions as Easters Weekend And so what if I didn't live on the lawn?
I got to live in the apartment from hell!

I'm back

I'm BACK!!! My internet is all set up, and I can sit in the sanctity(?) of my own room and look out my own window and type entries on the internet. Only problem is that life on the city street outside my window is so fascinating that I'm tempted just to stare at it in amazement and not to get any work done. All sorts of combinations of people hustle past (the last two were drunk) in all sorts of different garb carrying all kinds of different stuff. Heavy duty traffic motors up the street. People come and go in the office next door - as a matter of fact, at night with their interior lights on, I could even see what they are DOING in office next door! But I'm certainly too much of a lady to do that. Don'tcha think?

Speaking of then sanctity of my room, the pastor is bringing a small bunch of people from church next Sunday night to see my place and eat at Ballston. It would be nice if I could get my pictures hung by then. Alex (Susan Craft's son) has said he'd do it, but I don't know when.

Poor Susan and Alex! They are renting a little one-story house in Springfield, and two weeks ago someone broke in and trashed the place and stole lots of stuff. The cops took a report, but big lot of good that does. And then, last weekend, probably the same guys broke in again when Alex was home with a friend and stole more stuff and trashed the place again. Susan is now looking to move, but she has to stay in the same school zone.

Susan and Alex have 6 dogs, but they are chihuahuas!

bah, humbug

Today is the 4th of July. I'm kinda disappointed with myself, because I've just sort of let it come and go, and have not been persistint enough to ensure that something really fun happened. Ed and Dayna and the girls came down, so we had a nice "indoor picnic" in Mom and Dad's condo. Ron and Shirley and Martha were there (and Sue!) I guess "really fun" would have been to go some where to see fireworks - even George Mason High School. I wouldn't be at all surprised to learn that Ed, Dayna, and Sue had taken the girls there. Had I planned in advance, I probably could have made that happen.

Back in the olden days I used to go to the fireworks with Susan Craft and Rudolfo. It was great fun. We didn't go until late afternoon. Susan is a very aggressive driver, and she always found (or made!) a parking place for us in that circle at the VA end of Mem Bridge. We would walk over the bridge, and watch the fireworks sitting right under the Washington Monument. It was breathtaking.

In later years, Sue and I went just to sit on the Mall drinking beer during the day time, and eat and watch people. We usually left before the fireworks because we weren't sure how to get home after them. Had we been patient, we could have waited out METRO, but no, not the Taylors! Usually we just went home on METRO at about 4:00or 5:00 (or, in other words, wimped out!). One year, though, we saw the fireworks, and had Nega, an Ethiopian, with us and were able to bribe an Ethiopian cab driver $60.00 to bring us back. This was in the good old days before wheelchair transport was required. That was the year we saw a hooligan throw a cherry bomb under an occupied Port-a-John. Good thing the person using it didn't have a lot of gas or there would have been an explosion. (Ha, Ha! That was a joke!)

metro Access Tales

Tale #1- On the way to the Birchmere the other day, the bus went by the Pentagon to pick up someone. This is to be expected - It is, after all, shared public transportation. The woman we were to pick up was a middle-aged woman in a wheelchair with a briefcase who was obviously going home from work. The Metro Access driver couldn't get the ramp to go down to pick her up. After myriad calls to headquarters, it became apparent that a) this was his first pickup on his first day; and (b) he was never going to get the lift to work. SO, he called headquarters and told them to send another bus for this woman. So, off we go to Birchmere leaving this woman at the Pentagon sitting stranded by the side of the road in her wheelchair. Then we get to Birchmere, and I roll out on the ramp, and, once again, he can't get the ramp down. I ask him to hand-crank it, and he says he's tried, but that is also broken. I think that is highly unlikely, because that is the emergency back-up. Meanwhile, the show is going to start soon, so Susan Craft comes out. Here is a picture of us about 10 years ago. Anyway, Susan has a way, of making things happen so soon I was down and at the show.

Tale #2 - The Red Lobster we went to for my birthday is fairly easy to locate. It is on Lee Highway, in Fairfax City, but apparently it isn't on the Metro Access GPA. The driver who took me there had a terrible time finding It. He even had to stop at a gas station for directions, which is unheard of. The driver who came to bring me home says the got way out in the middle of nowhere and the GPS said."You have arrived at your destination", and he thought, "No I haven't!". He checked to see what I'd said in my original call. and for a landmark I'd said it was across the street from Hooters, and he knew Hooters, so he found me.

Final Tale - I'm fairly certain Metro Access drivers aren't allowed to eat on board. Right? Passengers can't. No driver ever has before. My driver today was a huge fat woman who started the trip downing a handfull of candy. but who, by the time we got there, was throwing the bus in park every red light and running around the bus gathering little containers. By the time I got got home, she had an entire picnic laid out.

Stormy

Major hurricane approaching! I went by Mom's and Dad's place, and they ought to be fine. A Hermitage employee stood up at lunch and said that they had enough extra food to last for 5 days and said that anyone with specific needs or concerns should contact the office. Here, on the other hand, they have said nothing. I wonder if they realize that a possible disaster is imminent?

I went to the CVS to try to get a flashlight and batteries this afternoon, and that was a laughable situation. There was a carton that contained batteries laying decimated in the aisle, stripped of all DD batteries. So I guess that all I can do now is hope that the lights don't go out. I think, however, that the likelihood of that is nil.

Natural disasters are a major bummer.

They've been showing Hatteras and Okracoke on .t.v. for the last couple days. It is quite awesome to think of being down on that little strip of island during a storm. Sue and I went there every year for years. Ed always went with us, and usually his girlfriend Martha, and always Lloyd, and Lloyd's one time beaux Richard, and often Susan Craft, and once Rudolfo, and Nega once, and Robin once, and Betty Stratton once, and Dayna, of course... But not all at one time. Oh, the stories I could (and probably will!) tell.

We always stayed at this little dump of a motel, Burris Motor Court.

Liebowiitz

There was an excellent Scorsese documentary about Fran Lebowitz on HBO the other night. Lebowitz, if you aren't familiar, is a very witty, sardonic, intellegent essayist, reminiscent of Dorothy Parker. She's got a new book out titled "Public Speaking".

I saw the documnentary and it was fantastic. She validates the truth of something the Sunday School leader mentioned last week, which was that, in this society, we are visually oriented, and receive information through images, and not through the written word. Her writing is very humerous and witty, but it seems to me that people these days haven't developed the patience to enjoy what could be a very pleasurable experidnce if they took the time required to read it.

And now for my personal confession......

My friend Susan Craft called to tell me the show exsisted and when it would be on TV. I said, "Gee, but that's when "Hawaii Five O is o." she said, "Hmmm... Fran Liebowitz or Hawaii Five O... What was it that Rudolfo used to say..? (Rudolfo is her brillant deceased husbansd.) Oh yes! 'Nobody ever lost money underestimating the intlellegence of the American public."

Folk Life

I spent the entire day at the Smithsonian Folk Life festival, and it was wonderful. One of the themes was Mexico, and that was fascinating. They had one section where they showed how they weaved decoravive items and hats from corn husks, and that was interesting. I later bought a beautiful sunhat They had lots of cooking demonstrations. I've watched Susan Craft cook authentic Mexican food with authentic tools so often that all I really learned is that she is a better cook! The really great part was that all the demonstrators and their families were wearing really pretty authentic costumes. The had a few dancers and LOTS of wonderful music ensembles scattered around. One ensemble featured a Mexican harp. which I'd never seen before.

This isn't a picture of the real musicians who were there. It is just to show you what a Mexican harp looks like.

One of my "David" stories is from when he and Ron and Sue and I went to Cancun together. One night at dinner, a roaming Mexican guitarist came up to our table and asked for requests. None of us knew any Mexican music, of course, so David said he was teaching a Mexican song to his kids in school. It was something like, "The Fat Kitty Cat Wears a Hat". The Musicians did not know it, and quickly moved on,

Their Eyes Were Watching God

I didn't have anything planned to do today, so I went to the library. I really need to start reading more. Until I got in college, I used to read for pleasure all the time. What I'm tempted to say is that I quit reading much for pleasure when I had to start reading so much for school, but I think the actual truth is that I quit reading much when I started getting drunk or stoned all the time. Now I haven't been drunk in several years, so I ought to start reading again. Currently I'm reading "Their Eyes Were Watching God" by Zora Neale Hurston. So far it tells the story of a black woman the 1930's. The foreword says it has been criticized by black male critics for not being authentic or bitter enough. Susan Craft gave it to me to read, though, and she loves it, and she has a black son and she's always had black lovers. (Except for her late husband, Rudolfo Hernandez, who was Hispanic and who was incredibly smart and wonderful.) Anyway, I'll let you know about the book as I go along.

When you gotta go...

Sometimes it takes balls to do it, but you go anyway. And the longer I'm here, the more I've realized how valid this is. I know I go bonkers if I spend a full day here. Thank GOD for Metro Access! My friend who lives next door, Bill, from Park Towers, is always rolling outside. He would be a great candidate for Metro Access, but he has memories of me waiting in the Park Towers lobby for Metro Access for hours and them never coming. This was five years or so ago. Once they got sued, they got better. He has no place to really to go when he gets outside so he just rolls around the outside perimeter of the building and talks to people on the street for a bit and then rolls back in. I've even seen him sitting out in the middle of the sidewalk next to the front street, waiting on someone to walk past. One day he rolled down to the Fire Department. It is right up the street from here.
They gave him a Police insignia which he PROUDLY wears on the back of his wheelchair. I wonder if he is waiting for a chance to pull me over for speeding past in my wheelchair??

One woman who is here has asked for information about Metro Access. I printed her off an application. I hope she follows through on it. She is cognizant and aware, which is a rarity here, and she wants it to go get Chemo treatments. Unlike me. I want it just to get the hell out of Dodge. That's OK for me to do that, though. The people who ride the inaccessible metro buses around don't have to justify their reason for taking the bus! After all, when you gotta go...

Which brings me back to the actual reason for this blog entry. It is chihuahuas, which inspired me to find a funny picture of a chihuahua peeing on a tire, which led me into all the "When you gotta go" stuff. All I ever really meant to do was talk about chihuahuas. My friend Susan Craft's 15 year old son bought home a sickly and ailing chihuahua and wanted to keep it, so she said OK. About a week later the dog delivered 7 babies! I went and saw them yesterday. They are ADORABLE. The haven't even got their little eyes open yet! They are just about the size of the palm of your hand. Mostly they are brown with a little white, but two are mostly white with a little brown. She thinks they are pure blood chihuahuas, born of an incestuous relationship between the mother and her brother.

funny 53rd gift

I had nothing to do this morning, so I went over to the weekly farmers market and got 2 pretty arrangements of flowers for my room. Mom had recently given me several vases she doesn't need, so it worked out real good. They look right pretty. and smell good, too.

Ah lord! I think I may be getting a cold! I just sneezed with such might that I probably knocked all the satellites out of orbit and nobodies GPS will work. I got a flu shot yesterday. Could that have caused this?

Yesterday was Susan Craft's 53rd birthday, Unbelievable. I'm the same age. At the Phillips the other day, I got her a stuffed doll of the "Scream" character - this guy -

and if you push his tummy he actually screams. That seems to me a good 53rd birthday present between 2 geriatric hippy pals.

bison meat

Susan Craft and I went to Teds Montana Grill fot dinner last night. It is the restaurant stared by Ted Turner. They have lots of dishes featuring bison meat. They also have a great big, dirty, hairy buffalo head hanging on the wall. That really grossed me out. Seafood restaurants often have big, dead fish hanging on the wall, but they don't have dead cows that watch you while you eat hanging on the wall in steak places' Yeech!

Sweet Honey

Susan Craft, a friend since 1977 (when we were roomates at Virgina), took me to Birchmere last night for my birthday to hear "Sweet Honey in the Rock". If you aren't familiar, they are "an acappella ensemble of 6 black women has been a vital and innovative presence in the music culture of Washington, D.C., and in communities of conscience around the world." They further say about their music, "Blues, spirituals, traditional gospel hymns, rap, reggae, African chants, Hip Hop, ancient lullabies, and jazz improvisation. Sweet Honey’s collective voice, occasionally accompanied by hand percussion instruments, produces a sound filled with soulful harmonies and intricate rhythms. In the best and in the hardest of times, Sweet Honey In The Rock has come in song to communities across the U.S., and around the world raising her voice in hope, love, justice, peace, and resistance." As you might can tell, I had a great time and loved the performance.

Tonight I'm meeting Mom and Dad and Sue and Shirley and Ron (and maybe Martha?) at Red Lobster Pretty groovy bithday, huh? How old am I??? I just subtracted 1957 fron 2010 and came up with 53, so we'll go with that until proven otherwise.