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Friday, December 31, 2010

card pt. 1

Many, many years ago I wrote a Christmas card which featured different poems to be sung to the tunes of different carols. Because they bring back memories of that relatively carefree time back to life, here they are again. They were accompanied by my primative drawings of Christmas scenes, all of which we faithfully colored by hand. (We drank a bit back then!) One of the songs I shared with you on 12/7. Here are more:

This carol is funny. I was thinking I'd already put it in the blog, but I can't find it, and I like it too much to take a chance on missing it.

This was back in the late '80's, before I was visibly disabled. I volunteered as what was called an "AIDS buddy" through the Whitman Walker clinic. Basically, I just provided friendship and whatever practical assistance I could to someone who was dying of AIDS - which, remember, is what eventually happened back then to anyone who was HIV+ back then. It was a horrible time.

My buddy - the only one I ever had - was Bob Edwards, a real flamer. He had these two horrible nasty little dogs that he loved dearly. These creepy, dirty, smelly. incontinent little beasts were probably 900 years old in dog years. With their arthritic little bodies, they moved at a snails pace.

So who got to walk them? Me.

And what happened? A creepy fat man ran up to us and pulled off his raincoat. Under the coat he was naked. He then chased me and the very slow dogs slowly up the street.
Thus, this carol

TO: Jingle Bells

Dashing toward the door
While the doggies lag and play.
O'er the field I run,
Freaked out all the way.
Obscene cat calls ring,
Giving me a fright.
Why did that fat naked man take his clothes off in my sight?

Oh-h-h-h-h-h-h
Dangling balls, dangling balls,
Dangling all the way.
Why did that damned fat man have to pick on me to day-aye.
Dangling balls, dangling balls,
Dangling all the way.
Why did that damned fat man have to pick on me to day



:

Thursday, December 30, 2010

continuation

Sorry that last post ended so abruptly, but they came to take me away.

ANYWAY. it was kinda amazing how many people were aggressively pushing their self-important way through the mall with "no holds barred" attitudes. I got Sue2 a suit jacket at LL Bean that is the wrong size and, since I actually have nothing in the world to do, I think I'll offer to take it and exchange it myself. That would be the patriotic thing to do - that way she can continue her classified government work on whatever it is that she does. It has something to do with the "President's Budget", so probably you can thank me for saving you thousands of taxpayer dollars!

I did NOT study my Spanish this week, and class is tonight. But, hey, it is Christmas! Such an attitude doesn't make a whole lot of sense when one is taking the class solely for one'ls own edification, does it?

Be sure to tune back in. I hope to give you all of the Christmas card I wrote years ago that I've been sharing bits of occasionally. (I guess that is a promise and not a threat!!)

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I went to Tysons mall today. It was CRAZY there! There were more people than right before Christmas, and the PEOPLE WERE MEAN!

I saw True Grit. I loved it, but I see the critics only gave it B+.

Monday, December 27, 2010

More family

Yesterday I spoke about "family" and how the concept of family had grown and evolved over time for me. None of this negates the importance of blood relatives, though. I assumed this was underdstood, but it occurred to me that I'd better say it outright when I remembereed that some of my most loyal readers are my aunts.

Hi, aunts! I have aunts on the brain today (aunts on the brain would be a great name for a rock band!) (forgive me, Dave Barry) because I went to see Mom and Dad, and Aunt Delores and Uncle Gene dropped in. They only live 20 minutes away, in Alexandria. We talked about how funny it was beck when "Feliz Navidad" came on the radio, and Uncle Raymond declared vehemently that it was the stupidest song he'd ever heard. One of my aunts said, "Why? They are just singing 'Merry Christmas' in Spanish," to which Raymond responded, "Fleas on the dog? They just keep singing 'fleas on the dog' over and over!"

My Uncle Kenny sent me a Christmas card that I got today, too. He reminded me of the time when I was little and he lived on the farm, and I went with him to milk the cows, and came back and told Mom that "Uncle Kenny fed milk to the cows." Although he says that it was in the mid 70's, which made me about 16 years old, so I wonder what the deal was there...?

More on family later!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas


MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I hope everyone's was wonderful! My family (Me, Sue, Ron, Mom, Dad, Martha, and Jackie the cat and Shirly) all went to Sue's. This was the first year when Mom and Dad haven't hosted, but they have no kitchen now, and Sue did a real fantastic job of providing us all with a homey Christmas. She had everything very nicely decorated and pretty. She had ham for dinner and everyone brought side dishes and desserts. We then exchanged a vast multitude of presents, talked, and watched the cat, who never did much, but we watched her anyway. (All except for Dad, who has absolutely no interest on watching a cat. Unless he is watching it walk away!)

Isn't family wonderful? I guess it's love that makes family. I'd say more, but everytime I try, I cry, and I don't think the keyboard is supposed to get wet...

Have you seen the show "Modern Family?" It's supposed to show how diverse modern families are. It ain't no contest, I guess, but we win hands down. They have gays and adopted a kid of a different nationality. Us, too, but we also have disability. I guess the truth about modern famillies is that they aren't created by bloodlines and legal documents, buy by love, And that sure does make for a happy Christmas!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Joy

TO: Joy to the World

Joy to the world,
It is Friday.
The maids will clean my room!
They’ll vacuum and they’ll sweep the floor.
They’ll shine the sink, but then there’s more!
They’ll take the trash ah-ah-way.
They’ll take the trash ah-ah-way.
They’ll ta-ke, they’ll ta-a-ake the trash a way!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

WINTER WONDERLAND



TO: WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND

Pagers ring. Aides don’t listen.
Rings might bring new petitions.
Please don’t put aides through
A job they must do.
Just sit in your chair and be real bland.

I get up every day-ay.
And I scurry a way-ay.
Don’t care where I go
So long as I know
Surly aides aren’t going to be at hand.

Close to two AM I hear them chatter.
Right outside my door, they shout to friends.
To complain would only make them madder.
Besides, by four o’clock the chatter ends!

I arise fairly early
And I leave in a hurry.
I wonder which way I’m going today…
When I get there, then I’ll understand!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Jingle Bells

TO: JINGLE BELLS

Racing through the door.
You’d best get out the way.
Got no place to go
But I’m going anyway.

Cold don’t hinder me.
I shiver but still roam,
I’ve just got to get away
From this damned old folks home.

OH

Off to shop, to museums, maybe try a play.
If I catch a movie it will while the time away – ay.
Go drink suds at a bar, hoping time will pass.
Maybe I'll go crazy and I'll take a Spanish class!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

12 Days of Christmas

This is an attempt at humor. Any resemblance to an actual meal, living or dead, is pure coincidence!

SUNG TO: The Twelve Days of Christmas

The first day of Christmas the kitchen gave to me
A mushy meat lump with gravy.

On the second day of Christmas, they tried variety,
Calling them ribs,
They baked sauce on bare bones to serve me.

On the third day of Christmas, the chef baked up poultry,
Wee tiny hens,
Overcooked squash,
Tooth breaking bread,
And a fine tasting cup of coffee.

On the fourth day of Christmas, this lunch was served to me:
Quite smelly fish,
Soup that congealed,
Limp lettuce leaves.
And a spoonfull of languid green peas.

On the fifth day of Christmas, the kitchen serves to me
Five Harvard beets!
Four big lumps of meat,
Potatoes,
Two small greyish mounds,
And it’s all covered in a gravy.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Snow

BUMMER! It snowed! Doesn't it just figure... The ONE day a week that I actually have something to do is Thursday, so, of course, if it is going to snow, it is going to do so on Thursday.

After all, what else would you expect... since, after all, I'm cursed, you know....

Its actually my own fault. (NO, not that it snowed. Even I don't attribute that much power to screw things up to myself.) I won't go into all the details, but it is, indeed, my fault that I ended up with nothing to do tonight, when at various times I had several options.

I f***ed up.

In real life, I'd just say it, but in a blog you run the risk that someone might show it to your mother.
This is a picture of my mother. She is the one on the left. Dad is on the right.

This is some man I don't know, but I thought it was a funny picture.


Please forgive me. Let's just call this a snow day.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Theater of the Absurd

I keep trying to tell you why I wore men's long underwear on stage at UVa and the "Caretaker Nazis" keep coming in and putting me far from the computer.

One of the shows was just a sort of readers theater production of the Dr. Seuss book "And to Think that I saw it on Mulberry Street". It was a show someone directed to get the directing credit they needed to graduate.

My other 'long underwear' play was "Ubu Roi", a theater of the absurd work by Alfred Jarry. I played the Polish Army in this work (not a member of the army, but the whole Polish Army.) I was blessed in this play with stage directions such as "Polish Army riots" and "Polish Army disobeys". It was wonderful.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

?

My apologizies to all of you who have been waiting with acute anxiety to find out why I did two shows in Culbreath's Black Box theater while costumed in men's long underwear. My further apologies to those of you who've been waiting with an ugly anxiety. (yuck, yuck. Get it? Acute anxity... an ugly anxietty! Hey, gimme a break. It's been a bad day!) My deepest, most heartfelt apologies to those of you who don't give a crap. But, then again, those of you who don't give a crap probably don't read the blog either. In which case I think I'll quit talking to you. SO THERE!!

Relationships are difficult, aren't they?

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Oklahoma Revised

Mom and I went to Arena Stage yesterday and saw Oklahoma. It was really great. The singing and dancing were wonderful.

The new building they've built to house the "Arena" is wonderful, also. It contains 3stages and is quite spaceous. I do think it was a mistake not to provide more packing, because I don't think there is a garage nearby. But, then again, what do I know about parking?

The stage we were in was "in-the-round". This was wonderful, because it brought all the action in close, which meant the entire audience had great seats. Also, because of this, the whole play seemed quite intimate - unusual for a musical. Dance choreography for theater in the round must be a bitch, but it worked out fantastic.

I worked in the round twice at UVa, in the workshop stage called the "Black Box". In both plays my costume was men's long white underwear!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Have you got a light?

Last night was Spanish class, and Ivar says that he's giving us a test next Thursday night.(Ay, carrumba!) Although it really makes no difference, since I'm only taking the class for my own benefit. Perhaps it will be a good self evaluation, though. It will be a good motivator to keep me studying this week. And it IS a motivator 1) I don't want to look stupid, and (2) There is one other student in the class. I'm quite competitive, to put it mildly. (Lloyd says he'll never, ever play Parcheesi with me again!) I HAVE to score as well as she does!!

I know I've said this before, but I'll repeat it only because its truth keeps being demonstrated over and over. The Latinos who work here love it that I'm taking Spanish. They seem to enjoy helping me, and laugh at my feeble attempts in great fun. It just builds camaraderie among us, I guess, which is a great help in what is often tense relationship.

The same idea sort of worked the other day with Amharic. I had an Ethiopian caregiver the other day, and Sue (sister Sue) and I used to be good friends with a group of Ethiopian guys . I said "good morning" to her in Amharic, which amazed her, and "lets drink beer now", the only other phrase I know, which amused her.

Besides using Spanish as a tool to enhance relationships, the other thing I enjoyed about the class last night was the trip back and and forth. That may seem strange, but the bus going both directions went through residential neighborhoods, taking a different route going than the one used to come back. It was after dark, and it is almost Christmas, so there were lots of pretty Christmas lights out on the houses.

In the past, David and Ron and Sue2 and I always took a night to drive around and look at the pretty lights in the neighborhoods. I'll never forget that one year. when it was real cold outside, we drove around for a long time with David and me in the front seat and Ron and Sue in the back. David and I kept "oohing" and "awwing", but the other two never said anything. Finally they said, "We can't see anything!" and we looked back and found that, despite their frantic wiping, Sue's and Ron's windows were entirely covered in fog and they couldn't see anything at all. This is probably an example of why Susan has taken to calling herself "Susanella".

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Christmas trees yet again

The biggest problem with living in an apartment and having a live Christmas tree is, "What do I do with the tree when Christmas is over?" Generally, we de-decorated (undecorated?) it on New Years day, but then we had a big empty pine tree carcass and we didn't know what to do with it. So we put it on the balcony and ignored it.

One year, when it was still on the balcony in February, David jokingly suggested that we throw it off the balcony to the balcony below. "We can't do that," I replied in mock horror. "That little lady who hosts the Bible study group lives downstairs!"

Susan Craft was there, and said, "No problem. Set it on fire first. They'll just think it's the burning bush!"

Ha, ha!

The situation led me to write the following Christmas carol for our homemade Christmas card. The carol is sung to the tune of "O Christmas Tree".

Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
Your branches green delight us.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
Your branches green delight us.
If only you just wouldn't stay
Out on the balcony 'til May.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
Your branches green delight us.

Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
In March you are a problem.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
In March you are a problem.
So David says, "Why don't you throw
It to the balcony below?"
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
In March you are a problem.

Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
By April you're a danger.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
By April you're a danger.
"Set it ablaze,* says Susan Craft,
"And soon there will be nothing left."
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
By April you're a danger.

Oh Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
By May we want our balcony.
Oh Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
By May we want our balcony.
So Susan shoves you in a bag
Which to the trash room she then drags,
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
That really was quite easy.


The good news is that we happened to think of actually throwing it away before we resorted to trying one of my more brilliant ideas, which was to cut each branch into tiny pieces and grind it in the garbage disposal. Had we done that, I'd probably still be grinding.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

...Your branches green delight up...

The little 2' Christmas tree I bought yesterday actually works out fine in this room. It fits right next to the door and it's something live and Christmasy and green. I think I'll buy some evergreen odor spray or candle or something, to further the tree illusion.

Sue and I have always had a Christmas tree, thanks to David and, later, David and Ron. For a long time I insisted on a live tree, so we made an annual pilgrimage to a Christmas tree lot. We finally found a lot where the salesman cut the bottom off the tree without a hassle, tied the tree up sufficiently, and packed it nicely in the car.

Then we'd get the tree home and face quite a dicey situation as we tried to get the tree in the tree stand. I say "we", but of course I didn't really have a damned thing to do with it. Except for offering multiple unwanted (but brilliant) suggestions, I was no help whatsoever. I wasn't even noticeably disabled way back then in the mid '80s - just useless and opinionated, with an incredibly indulgent and patient best friend.

(pause)

ANYWAY - we'd decorate it, and it was always beautiful and smelled fantastic and Sue and I really enjoyed it all season.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

O Christmas Tree

Today I went to the annual Falls Church Christmas Craft Fair they have at the Community Center. All these vendors come in and sell "homemade?" Christmas Crafts. This year they also had the High School Glee Club sing Carols, which was a nice touch.

Back in the "Good Old Days", David's church choir Christmas party, both at Dulin and at CTS, was always the day after this sale. We'd both have to bring a Christmas ornament as a gift for this "gift exchange" game the choirs played the next day, so I always bought us both things that I thought were unique and folksy at this sale. Many of the other choir members, though, brought in classy expensive pieces. David always thought our gifts were fine, I guess.

One year, at Dulin, this real strange, social misfit, who mumbles to himself and wears the same clothes for weeks without end, was in the choir. He once brought a large ceramic owl for his ornament. David said this guy was actually brilliant, and had an important, powerful government job. The Dulin bell choir used to go out in the Christmas season, and play at places like Ballston Mall, and this guy had a small entourage of people from his job that would come wherever we were to hear him play.

Today I didn't need ornaments, but a little 2' tree that has lights on itg and is pre-decorated. It adds a bit of festivity to this dreary room.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Amigos

Taking Spanish is a really cool way to get to know people! I was working on my home work real early this morning and heard the vacuume in the hall, and knew that the woman who vacuumes is a native Spanish speaker. I asked her for help with my homework, and she was real glad to give it, and loves it that I'm taking Spanish. She even vacuumed my room a day ahead of schedule!

Then, on the Metro Access bus, the driver was a fellow I have quite often. He's from Argentina, and was an English teacher to Spanish speaking kids, so he drilled me on vocbulary and phrases all the way home. At least he says he was a teacher. Come to think of it, he also once told me that, as a teen, he was riding a horse bareback real fast across the Argentine grasslands, and he fell off and broke his back in several places, and it was two days before his family found him laying in the field.

True? What do you think? He looked really sad as he told me...

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

homework

Worked on my Spanish homework all day today, and I STILL didn't finish it. (Of course, it was a week and a half's worth of home work, andd I tried to do it all in one day!) My personal history with doing homework isn't exactly the best.... Sister Sue laughed like a hyena when she found out I was actually paying for and taking a class I didn't need. As a matter of fact, no one was more surprised than I was when, at the end of my college graduation ceremony, they actually had a diploma for me. I wonder what I ended up majoring in??