Old Folks Home

1.
OVERHEARD BREAKFAST CONVERSATION
CARETAKER (to resident): Here are your pancakes.
RESIDENT: How many pancakes?
CARETAKER: One. Just like always.
RESIDENT: I only want half a pancake!
CARETAKER: So just eat half of it.
RESIDENT: And waste the other half?! I'm not going to do that. Take it away and bring me back half a pancake!

2.
We have a big old lazy dog named Thompson that just sleeps all the time. Rumor has it that he was originally trained to be a seeing eye dog, but flunked his test because he's scared of cars.

The concierge from the front desk got on the elevator. Thompson got on with her. This is something the dog does habitually. He's commonly found on all three floors.

"So?" the concierge asked him. "You going up or down?"

3.
My regularly scheduled appointment with therapist was this afternoon. So that's a good thing, right? Especially since I've been in this institution all day. Right?

I have this little wooden Christmas tree that has all these tiny wooden ornaments on it. I got it at the Kennedy Center gift shop. It took me a while to get it put together, but it's cute and special and I smile every time I look at it.

So Lenee comes in and says, "That's nice, but it looks like it should revolve."

She picks it up to look at the base, and ornaments fly everywhere.

Oh, well... She pretty much re-assembled it. Maybe the maids will find that last ornament while vacuuming!