Even more Chrstmas carrd

Before I start, let me mention that I just saw a woman on TV who says that the world will end on May 21st. My birthday is May 24th. If you are planning on sending a card or anything, you might want to get it in the mail early... Just thought you'd want to know!

TO: O Little Town of Bethlehem
(NOTE: The Falls Church Police department used to drive Volvos. Really!)

O little town of Falls Church
How sleepily you lie.
In your small streets the Volvo cops
Keep out a watchful eye.
You like to think you're crimeless,
But on this very night
Around our 7-11 store
You will see quite a fright.

The bums who hang out there at Mings
Have started to push and shove.
A woman with a bloated face
Begs coins for a child she loves.
The hooker's inside flirting
With every man on earth.
And watch out for the cashier, he'll
Take you for what you're worth.

How silently, how silently
The bag of dope is giv'n
Across the ice cream freezer here
At our dear 7-11.
One wonders what will happen
In this small world of sin.
No telling 'cause the Volvo cops
Do not dare venture in.


TO: Come Thou Long Expected Jesus

Come, thou long expected pizza.
We called for you at quarter 'til three.
We've been waiting for over an hour.
Where, oh where, can that pizza be?
I am dying of starvation.
Haven't got the strength to fart.
I know a pizza will be my salvation
As soon as to eat I can start.